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[Paolo Villaggio]Mario and Vittorio
Cecchi Gori and Fulvio Lucisano
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present
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Paolo Villaggio in…
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Fantozzi 2000.
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Cloning.
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[wind hissing]
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[Paolo Villaggio]To face
the challenge of the third millennium
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the top management of the Megacompany
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they had decided
to nail the employees
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in front of the most sophisticated
IT systems,
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submitting them
to grueling work shifts.
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[man's appreciation verses]
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[man] "What sign are you?"
"Scorpio."
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[man] "Magical, I'm a Taurus,"
do you know that Scorpio and Taurus..."
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[man]I know, yes.
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[sounds from the video game]
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Ready?
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Hello, uncle?
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Where are you? Where?
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In Santo Domingo?
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Ah, but then I'm with you
calling on satellite! Eh!
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- No, don't worry, the company pays.
- Guys…
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- The chief of staff is coming.
- [sound of disappointment from the employees]
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Look, it's coming
that pain in the ass of an office manager.
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[woman] Well, yes, I have to pretend
which is a business call.
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[woman] You know how it is with these officials.
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Yes, that's it... Yes.
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Ah, yes, doctor,
don't worry about that practice, eh!
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[Paolo Villaggio]But the progress of the
technology they had not been able to prevent
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natural evolution
of the clerical kind,
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showing the signs
of a disturbing mutation.
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Eh, eh! You think you're screwing me, right?
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But I know very well that they are wasted here
the money of the beloved Megacompany!
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And her? What was he doing?
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- He was playing video games, right?
- I do not.
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Don't "lie"!
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And remember that I am an official!
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Whoa! I'm terrified!
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- Look, I'm shaking all over.
- [everyone laughs]
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Look, dude, to this day
we pretended to be afraid of you
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just to do you a favor.
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Because we felt sorry for you!
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- So end it and don't break up.
- I'll get you all fired!
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Oh, but who do you fire?
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Look, we're all shareholders here.
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In fact, be careful,
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why, if not
We'll get you kicked out, okay?
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[woman] Well done!
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[applause]
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[sacred music]
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[Paolo Villaggio]
Times have truly changed.
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It is an intolerable situation.
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And our hands are tied unfortunately.
Also because the unions are in government.
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And they are no longer corruptible
like once upon a time.
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One moment, gentlemen,
let's not dramatize!
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The trick of conceding
to our subordinates
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an apparent partnership
equity, has borne fruit.
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Yes, yes.
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Certain.
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Certain. Despite everything, we manage
to exploit them even more than before.
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We continue to enrich ourselves with theirs
shoulders in an indecent way, it's obvious,
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but profit is not the real pleasure.
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Upon closer inspection,
what we lack is being able to humiliate them.
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Remember the good times,
when they crawled at our feet?
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We had them all in our hands!
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Yes, we could have done it
what we wanted.
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There was one who was particularly servile.
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I can't remember the name now.
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- Babes, I think.
- No!
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- Maybe Puppets!
- Ah, here... Puppets!
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That's what it was called.
He cannot be changed.
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- But what happened to him?
- I actually think he's dead.
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Oh… what terrible news.
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This means we won't be able to
take advantage of him anymore.
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[melancholy music]
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Maybe there would be a solution.
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[melancholic music]
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Really?
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- [Balabam] Mrs. Puppets.
- [Pina] Fantozzi.
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[Balabam] She would like it
hug her husband again?
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[Pina] Well, of course,
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even if by now
I am perfectly resigned
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to my condition as a widow.
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[Balabam] What I give her
proposing is not a choice,
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but, let's say,
a deal he can't refuse.
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She will have her husband back in the private sphere
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and I in the working one.
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All right, as you wish, doctor.
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Even if, excuse me,
I don't understand how this can be possible.
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It's very possible!
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Of course, to get a perfect clone,
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I will need organic material.
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A clone?
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[Doctor] I'll need it
of a small amount of a fingernail,
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an eyelash, a hair.
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Listen…
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[Pina] Ugo gave it to me
this lock of hair
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as an engagement gift.
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I don't know if it's okay.
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It will go great!
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[epic music]
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[Paolo Villaggio]A few days later
they were ready
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for the most sensational of
experiments attempted by man:
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the cloning of an accountant.
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[suspenseful music]
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[epic music]
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[Paolo Villaggio]As well as Venus
came out of a shell,
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also the accountant Fantozzi
was reborn from a marine mussel:
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a mussel!
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[epic music]
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[doctor's words inaudible]
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[epic music]
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[sound of a door opening]
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[epic music]
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What's up... What's going on?
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[Ugo] What do they want?
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[Doctor] Accountant Puppets!
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- Fantozzi.
- Okay, Puppets, Puppets...
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In short, she was
submitted successfully
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to genetic manipulation!
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Who... who manipulated me,
that woman with those m-melons?
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No, I had the honor
to do it personally.
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Here…
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- [Pina] Ugo…
- Pina!
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- [Pina] Hello.
- Pina is there too!
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[Doctor] Yes, yes.
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- He recognized me!
- [Doctor] Of course, ma'am, it's your husband!
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Let's go, Ugo.
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- We can?
- Is the Duke Count here? Mr. Duke Conte.
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"Go", "go" too.
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But he "remembers":
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he has to show up tomorrow
punctually at the office!
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Are we starting again?
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[horn]
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[Paolo Villaggio]Late
of 32 seconds and 5 tenths,
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Fantozzi was forced to apply
methods of approaching work
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already tested in the golden years
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by the employees of his generation.
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[upbeat music]
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[Ugo Fantozzi] I have to get off!
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Oh, my God, oh my!
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[Ugo's verses of pain]
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[explosion sound]
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[Ugo] Oh, mom…
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[Ugo] Um… sorry, sir.
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[goalkeeper] Puppets! "Do it" soon.
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"Come", hurry!
It's coming, soon.
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- [goalkeeper] Give it to me, give it to me!
- [Ugo] Here it is.
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[Ugo] Here it is!
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There he is.
Mister Duke Count, here I am!
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[Ugo] I'm his doormat.
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[Crunching and sounds of pain from Ugo]
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[Ugo] Duke, excuse me…
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[Ugo] Duke Count,
I hope you "slept" well.
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- [goalkeeper] Fantocci, the raincoat.
- [Ugo] Thank you, thank you.
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[Ugo] Look, I need it
to do something for her.
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"Wish" me a Christmas greeting.
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- But sorry, it's May.
- So what? You benefit.
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Ah, right, then I'll take advantage of it and
I also make those for a Holy Easter,
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to you and your venerable family.
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[ripping noise]
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[Ugo] Lord Duke Count,
here I am at your service.
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[everyone laughs]
The 10 absent!
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- [man] It's exactly the same.
- [Ugo] 'Morning, "they"… "are" comfortable.
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All 10 absent!
Duke Count, what do I do?
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- You continue to be servile.
- Oh yes, here it is.
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So, I'm going to…
Nothing comes to mind.
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Oh… poor thing.
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- He needs to drink.
- Yes.
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Poor little leaf.
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- HI!
- Oh, my goodness!
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[appreciative verses from Ugo]
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- What are you doing, little sliver?
- Eh! No, I don't speak…
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But I, you know,
they have tits that…
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- [Ugo] Sorry.
- [Duke Count] Oh!
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- We're out of water. Puppets.
- Huh?
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That would be so kind
to go get me some water?
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I? Duke Count, I will give you water
I would even wear it with ears!
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- Well done!
- Excellent! Nice idea!
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Now that's an employee.
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[sound of flowing water]
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[Ugo complains]
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Cold, huh?
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Oh, God, oh, God…
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I have to keep it capped otherwise…
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I see you don't understand...
Okay, I'll explain later.
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Goodbye.
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[flushing]
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Arrival.
Arrival Duke Count!
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Here I am!
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So, not from here…
Ah! This way.
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- [Duke Conte] Who is he?
- I'm the watering can!
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- [Duke Count] "Come."
- Thank you.
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- [Ugo] Here I am. Here I am Duke Count.
- Well.
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I'm full like a wineskin,
I lost a lot of water.
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- It's fresh, huh?
- Yes, it's freezing.
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Ah… Oh my God it's cold.
[complains]
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[Paolo Villaggio]Satisfied
from months and months of humiliation and abuse
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the Duke Count decided to reward Fantozzi
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entrusting him with a delicate task
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and of great responsibility.
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- Good. "Come", Fantocci.
- Where?
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- See? These are my children.
- Ah!
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I've had 15 of them and all from different wives.
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[Duke Count] They all gave to me
enormous satisfactions.
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[Paolo Villaggio]Indeed
among the scions of Balabam
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they considered themselves very ruthless
powerful of the rank of;
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Grand General Farabutt Stragist
of Serviz Deviat,
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Lup Mann, Tangetist,
exiled to Hammamet,
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Senatur, Collus with Maf and Camorr,
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Grand Master Venerab,
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ex P2ist, Founder of P3 and P4.
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Eh, excuse me, Duke Count,
but what son is this?
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Because there's no photo.
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Unfortunately, as in any large family,
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also the lineage of Balabam
he has his black sheep.
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Adalberto Maria, my last born,
it gives me a lot of worries.
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He's a terrible child,
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rebellious to every education,
escaped from the best colleges!
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But now this shame must end!
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[Ugo's frightened sound]
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[Duke Conte] I have signed him up
to an institution of the utmost severity,
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where they will certainly succeed
to get him back on the right path.
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- Well!
- But you have to make sure he doesn't "escape"!
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Eh, well…
Sorry, I'm a little confused.
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- [Duke Conte] That's why you, Fantocci.
- I? Fantozzi.
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[Duke Conte] He will accompany him
personally.
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- She will always be next to him, like a shadow.
- [Ugo] Oh, sure.
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Of course I will hold her responsible
of my child's conduct.
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This is the last "cians" that I offer you.
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If he disappoints me, he will be subjected
to terrifying corporal punishment:
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39 lashes!
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Ah! But who is he, the little one?
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But no… her!
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Oh, thank goodness.
How… how scary.
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- Please remember, Pupazzi!
- [softly] Fantozzi.
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[Duke Conte] Don't "take him" lightly!
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That guy is
a very dangerous deviant!
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It's really a Serengeti hyena.
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It's a beast!
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[Paolo Villaggio]For better
face that human beast,
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Fantozzi introduced himself
to the rendezvous in battle dress:
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Viking helmet, tamer's whip,
anti-riot shield.
244
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:11,080
[Ugo] Come on beast,
come here, I'll give you an ass...
245
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:14,080
[Ugo] No, sorry, I meant…
246
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,240
- [Duke Conte] Come on, open up.
- [Ugo] Come on, get down...
247
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,480
[happy music]
248
00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:22,080
But… there is a misunderstanding here.
249
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,200
[Ugo] Who is this little angel?
250
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:28,320
- Good morning, sir.
- But who is he, excuse me?
251
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,880
Don't underestimate him, he is capable of anything.
252
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:34,080
- [man] Ah, thanks!
- [Duke Count] Adalberto Maria, come here!
253
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:37,640
Don't ever get distracted, either
for a moment. Did you see what he did?
254
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:41,640
- Sorry, but you did a good deed.
- But then we didn't understand each other!
255
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:46,840
If he wants to become like his father, he must
forget the good deeds of this degenerate!
256
00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,800
- Ah, here it is!
- Well.
257
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:50,640
- I understand.
- Now I have to go.
258
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:54,560
The school bus will arrive soon
to take you to college.
259
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:56,480
[Duke Conte's angry sound]
260
00:13:56,560 --> 00:14:00,520
Now... I'll put you on
in a giant meat grinder…
261
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:02,360
One moment.
262
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:08,440
[upbeat music]
263
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:19,240
[Paolo Villaggio]The college was in
in reality a maximum security prison
264
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:23,120
designed by himself
architect of Alcatraz.
265
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:26,040
The difficult kids were deported there
266
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,800
of the most powerful families in the country.
267
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:33,240
Re-education took place
through a very rigid study plan
268
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,080
in which these subjects stood out:
269
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:39,760
abuse of power
re-education against racism
270
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:43,040
corporate blackmail, legalized theft,
271
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:46,480
political crime and cannibalism.
272
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:51,200
“If in a company in the North East
with a turnover of 300 million euros,
273
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,520
1500 workers washed,
274
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,240
Southerners of course,
275
00:14:56,320 --> 00:15:01,920
of which half taken in black
and the remaining half at the minimum wage,
276
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:06,840
the company, taking into account
who totally evades all taxes,
277
00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:11,000
but spends 15%
of the turnover in bribes,
278
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,560
12% in corporate espionage
279
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,480
and 28% in attacks and blackmail
280
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:21,800
to reach
the established annual profit of 3000%
281
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:25,720
eh, how many employees will he have to fire?”
282
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:29,480
"How many to torture and how many to shoot?"
283
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:31,320
Write!
284
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,560
- What are you doing, you're not writing?
- Oh, no, but why...
285
00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:36,680
But he won't have come here
to warm the bench! Come on write!
286
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,640
But… do you call me familiar?
287
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:42,760
But which "you",
It's a subjunctive, damn it!
288
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,360
[softly] Holy shit…
289
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,640
[Paolo Villaggio]
Fantozzi suffered a merciless quarter
290
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,360
of school harassment,
291
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:54,240
but without ever failing in the task
to watch over little Balabam.
292
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,840
[Paolo Villaggio]Day and night.
293
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,000
[upbeat music]
294
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:07,240
[upbeat music]
295
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,640
[indistinct noise
and Ugo's verse of pain]
296
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:14,640
[Ugo's verses of pain]
297
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,360
I-I-The cactus!
298
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:20,320
[Ugo] I caught the cactus.
299
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:23,200
Ah…
Ouch…
300
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,400
[incomprehensible dialogues of children]
301
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:34,120
[Ugo's satanic laugh]
What are you up to, huh?
302
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,160
Nothing…
We are surfing the Internet.
303
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:39,720
Internet? Naked women, eh!
304
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,600
Show me, you ugly pigs!
305
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:43,480
Mm… me too!
306
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:49,040
[Ugo] "Adoption organization
from the children of Bangladesh"?
307
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,760
But… children
308
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,960
who adopt other children?
309
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,440
- Well, if the adults don't do it...
- We are all rich.
310
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,160
We have a duty to help
those poorer than us.
311
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:03,400
Oh, have you gone crazy?
312
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,480
You don't know that in this institute
313
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,680
good deeds come
punished very severely?
314
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,800
Well, you have to take a risk.
315
00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:13,800
Check it out if you want
become someone in life,
316
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:17,400
you have to follow in the footsteps
and the example of His Holiness…
317
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:20,800
of your Lord Duke Count father.
318
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:25,200
Then I prefer not to become
no one: my father is an asshole.
319
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,920
[Ugo gasps]
My God, how dare you?
320
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,240
- Apologize immediately!
- He doesn't give a damn about me!
321
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:34,120
[Adalberto Maria] He always leaves me
parked in front of the television
322
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,240
or with the babysitter,
while he only thinks about work.
323
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,720
Which then consists
in mistreating people like you,
324
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,960
and spending the money
with whores and at the casino.
325
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:44,840
- Yes, it's true, mine does that too.
- Mine even worse.
326
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:48,400
I have seen my father in my life
only four times, and always from behind,
327
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,680
while he was going away on a business trip.
328
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:54,440
But how do you stay on their side
after they exploited you all your life?
329
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:56,320
Oh, little one, what do you say?
330
00:17:56,400 --> 00:18:00,280
I don't let myself be exploited...
exploited by anyone, you know?
331
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:03,400
But go, go!
I can already see you...
332
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,880
[imitates Ugo] Excuse me, venerable majesty!
333
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,760
[imitates Ugo] "Dispose" of me as you wish.
334
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,760
[imitates Ugo] Grant me the honor
335
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:16,040
to be his most humble servant.
336
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,320
- [imitates Ugo] How human you are.
- How human you are.
337
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,680
- [indistinct noise]
- The guard! He arrives.
338
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,200
- [Ugo] Like the guard, show.
- [Adalberto Maria] He's coming.
339
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:27,920
[suspenseful music]
340
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,360
- Everyone go!
- Too late...
341
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,000
- We're done!
- What a mess, we're screwed!
342
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:36,560
Come with me, I've got an idea.
Everyone here, come on.
343
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:39,480
[Ugo] Put your coats on,
put on your coats, come on!
344
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,640
[Ugo] The coat, quick!
345
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:47,720
[suspenseful music]
346
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:57,760
[suspenseful music]
347
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:04,680
- [Child] Help, help!
- [Ugo] Here I am! Here you go.
348
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,640
- [Child] My goodness, help!
- [Adalberto Maria] Thank you!
349
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,560
- You saved us.
- Well, let's not exaggerate, come on.
350
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:13,680
[Child] If he found out
my father, he killed me!
351
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:17,240
Tell the truth, deep down
you are one of us.
352
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:21,040
[Ugo] Me? But what are you saying?
I'm not a deviant...
353
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:24,480
Well, if you think about it, though, it's somewhat true.
354
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,960
Do you know why?
Because I'm fine with you.
355
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:30,200
I'm not like that
like your venerable fathers
356
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:35,840
who they spend all their time with
the whores and the casinos, that's what you say.
357
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:39,240
- But never, eh? Not even half an hour with you?
358
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,040
- Never.
- Never…
359
00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:45,400
But what do I know, either
a Sunday afternoon at the zoo?
360
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,840
- Let's hope!
- Let's do something.
361
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,520
- I'll take you to the zoo.
- But how do we get out of here?
362
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:55,520
Ah! Oh well, let's "come up with it"...
363
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,400
"think up"...
364
00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:01,080
Oh well, we'll come up with it
a way out of here.
365
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,440
[epic music]
366
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,840
[Paolo Villaggio]Attempt
sports escape by Fantozzi.
367
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,120
[Ugo screams]
368
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:12,280
[hum of electrical discharges]
369
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:15,560
[Paolo Villaggio]Attempt
of Fantozzi's ballistic escape.
370
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:17,600
What do you have rockets for?
371
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,360
[epic music]
372
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,480
And then we begin.
373
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:27,800
[epic music]
374
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,360
[epic music]
375
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:35,240
[Ugo screams]
376
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,640
[Ugo] I feel a little down,
A little down, yes.
377
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:44,480
[Paolo Villaggio]Escape attempt
handcrafted ballistics by Fantozzi.
378
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,320
[Ugo screams]
379
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,440
- [Ugo] Whore…
- [metallic noise]
380
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,640
[agent] Here! Who goes there?
381
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,200
- Look there!
- [alarm siren]
382
00:20:56,280 --> 00:21:00,680
[Ugo] Please, can you turn it off
the light that bothers my eyes?
383
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:05,320
[Paolo Villaggio]Disheartened
from that series of sensational failures,
384
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,800
Fantozzi was on the verge of giving up,
385
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:11,520
when little Adalberto Maria
revived the group's hopes
386
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:15,800
coming up with a plan
Practically perfect getaway.
387
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:27,560
[upbeat music]
388
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:30,520
[upbeat music]
389
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:38,560
[upbeat music]
390
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:45,720
[upbeat music]
391
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,480
- [upbeat music]
- What the fuck...
392
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,640
Ok, you can upload this too.
393
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,280
[Ugo's moans]
394
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:22,240
[Ugo screams in pain]
395
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:26,920
[upbeat music]
396
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:30,480
[children shouting
and shouts with enthusiasm]
397
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,520
[upbeat music]
398
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,760
- Look how he turned out...
- [children laugh]
399
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:38,840
[upbeat music]
400
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,200
[trumbling]
401
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:44,880
- Did you hear the lion's loud voice? It's scary.
- [Ugo] Yes.
402
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,120
And the elephant?
Look how beautiful it is, it's huge!
403
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,400
Yes, it's true,
these animals are very beautiful,
404
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:52,480
but in those cages they seem
us when we were in college.
405
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:56,280
No, no, please,
let's not start with the sadness.
406
00:22:56,360 --> 00:23:01,240
That's absolutely not true, these animals
they have been born here in captivity for generations.
407
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:04,280
In their natural environment
they wouldn't know how to get by.
408
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:07,440
They wouldn't find food,
they wouldn't know where to go to sleep,
409
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:11,240
the only place they know
living is right here at the zoo.
410
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:14,040
For example the elephant…
But the elephant?
411
00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:16,680
- [upbeat music]
- [Ugo] But how did he do it?
412
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:20,560
Hey, stop them.
The cage is over there!
413
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:23,560
- [children laugh]
- [Ugo] Stop him! Sorry…
414
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:25,800
- [men] Let's escape! Let's escape!
- [children laugh]
415
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:29,880
[indistinct voice]
416
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,720
Ready?
Hello, police, come, quickly!
417
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,800
It's an emergency.
An elephant is escaping from the zoo.
418
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,640
[children laugh]
419
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,280
Stop!
Look, I have to tell you...
420
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:43,640
- [men] Go! Let's escape!
- [men] This way!
421
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:47,200
I have this problem,
when I talk, people fall asleep.
422
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:51,560
Step aside. Get away everyone!
I have to give him a soporific injection.
423
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:55,400
A friend of mine recommended it to me
to go to a psychoanalyst.
424
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,920
- [shot]
- But I don't want to go.
425
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,400
- [woman] What do you say?
- [man's cry of pain]
426
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,760
[the man snores and the woman cries]
427
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:07,160
[crying] He fell asleep too!
I have to go there! I have to go there!
428
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,480
- [Ugo] Well done, that's how they bring it back.
- [guardian] Good, calm down.
429
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:14,400
- [Ugo] Be careful, there's my car...
- [guardian] Don't worry. Don't worry…
430
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:16,960
- [guardian] Here, come on, let's go.
- [Ugo] My car…
431
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:20,720
[guardian] Well, Obelix, well done. Like this.
Nothing happened, don't worry...
432
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,600
[Ugo] What are you saying?
Look at that... But look...
433
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,720
- Look at this disaster.
- [children laugh]
434
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:30,520
He did me a lot of damage here.
Other than…
435
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,800
[police sirens]
436
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:34,560
[man] Officer!
437
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,600
- It was these children.
- [Ugo] But…
438
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,440
You take care of the elephant,
We'll take care of the children.
439
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:41,560
Where are your parents?
440
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:43,840
- They are not here.
- [agent] And who did you come with?
441
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:45,800
- Look…
- With no one, we came alone.
442
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,920
Don't joke, are the parents there or not?
443
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,880
- No, there aren't any.
- Oh, yes? Then come with us, come on.
444
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:59,280
They are criminals.
They should be in jail!
445
00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:02,000
[Ugo] But, sorry,
wait a minute, are they taking them to prison?
446
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,880
- [man] And they're good!
- [Ugo] Go to hell, spy!
447
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:06,680
[Ugo] Look at the state…
448
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:11,160
[Ugo] Let's hope it's restored
the scrapping of old vehicles.
449
00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:16,520
[metallic creak]
450
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:21,480
Commissioner, these gentlemen
they came to take the children back.
451
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,760
- And let them in, right?
- Of course yes, don't I leave them on the door?
452
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,600
Stay calm, huh.
I'm the commissioner here, okay?
453
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,840
Oh well, you are the commissioner here,
but at home I'm in charge.
454
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,600
So stay calm too,
if not, we'll do the math later.
455
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,640
[the commissioner snorts]
Come on, let's "favor".
456
00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:40,000
- Here! This is how you learn.
- You are the father, I imagine.
457
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,840
No, I'm the secretary,
but I have the power to slap.
458
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:46,600
- You know, the doctor is very busy.
- Certain. And are you two fathers?
459
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:50,320
No, I'm the engineer's fixer
Kobram, father of Pier Ulderico.
460
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,840
- Certain.
- This is the delegation.
461
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,720
And do you also have the power to smack?
462
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:59,640
Of course, as a bag carrier
I have it from the lawyer Barambani.
463
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:02,200
[commissioner] Well, go ahead.
464
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:04,640
- [commissioner] Go, go!
- [secretary] Come on, let's go home.
465
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:08,880
You'll see what punishment your father will give you.
Let's go!
466
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:12,600
[commissioner] And where is the father? Yes,
in short, this boy's delegate?
467
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:14,400
- He doesn't have it.
- How come he doesn't have it?
468
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,760
He doesn't have it.
Do you have it? No.
469
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:19,560
Oh well, come on,
finish the report of the other three.
470
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:23,040
- And let's take the report of the other three.
- [commissioner] Come on!
471
00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:26,760
Hmm… But who made me do it
to marry a commissioner?
472
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:32,800
[Paolo Villaggio]To Adalberto Maria,
refusing to give his personal details
473
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:37,600
for fear of paternal retaliation
he risked going to reform school.
474
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:41,360
[Paolo Villaggio]Fantozzi
He then made a heroic decision.
475
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:48,320
[epic music]
476
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:58,680
[Ugo] Let him go home,
otherwise I'll make a massacre, eh!
477
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:02,760
- [Ugo] I said I'll make a massacre...
- What's all this fuss about? Who is she?
478
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:06,520
I am Duke Count Balabam,
this boy's father.
479
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:10,360
Ah, Duke Count!
And you said you were an orphan.
480
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:13,720
Sorry, Mr Commissioner!
481
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,000
- Rio.
- Commissioner.
482
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:19,200
In a certain sense
the guy is right. Do you know why?
483
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:22,720
- Because I'm such an asshole!
- [the boy laughs]
484
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:24,920
What are you laughing at?
485
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:29,360
For too long
I left him alone in front of the TV,
486
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:31,640
to watch repugnant programs
487
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,440
or in the hands of someone
third rate babysitter.
488
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,840
While I was just thinking
at my job, grabbing money.
489
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,480
Which I then spent in a disgusting way,
490
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:43,520
with whores or at the casino.
491
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,960
- Lucky you!
- By Giovanni!
492
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:50,240
But, you see,
Mr Commissioner or Commissioner,
493
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:53,360
I'm a loser in life:
I lost everything.
494
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:59,040
And now I have decided to mend my ways
and to finally dedicate myself to my family.
495
00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:02,240
Well done, very good.
I really want to give her credit, you know?
496
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:06,200
Yes, because I have to say she is
the only one who showed up in person
497
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:09,920
and he did not send delegates, fixers,
etcetera, etcetera, "go, go" too.
498
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,320
- Let's go.
- [commissioner] Di Giovanni!
499
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:14,320
- [commissioner] Accompany them, please.
- [Ugo] Thanks.
500
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:16,600
- Please.
- [Di Giovanni] "Favorischino".
501
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:21,000
But I recommend,
no mess and no casino.
502
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:24,080
Don't worry commissioner.
503
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,040
- Rio.
- Commissioner.
504
00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:27,720
Goodbye.
505
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:32,000
[happy music]
506
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:35,640
- Oh well.
- What do you do now, take me back to college?
507
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,120
But I don't even think about it, of course!
508
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:42,400
But I can't even leave you
here alone in the middle of the street.
509
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:46,960
I would have a cardinal uncle,
another black sheep of the family.
510
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:50,040
He proposed to me many times
to go and live with him.
511
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,040
- Almost almost…
- Oh, call me sometimes, huh?
512
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:56,720
Even by telephone,
to keep me calmer.
513
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,040
- [Adalberto Maria] Don't worry.
- All right.
514
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:01,560
Now I say goodbye to you badly
515
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:04,520
because otherwise…
otherwise I'm moved.
516
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:07,840
- HI.
- Okay.
517
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:13,520
But it's not like you'll pass now
in trouble for letting me run away?
518
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:15,960
Who, me? You don't know me!
519
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:20,040
I'm lucky,
I have never been in trouble in my life.
520
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:22,480
- [executioner] One!
- [whipping and sound of pain]
521
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:25,120
- [executioner] Two!
- [whipping and sound of pain]
522
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,360
- Three!
- Oh God…
523
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,640
- Four!
- [Ugo's lines of pain]
524
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:32,280
- Five!
- [Ugo's cry of pain]
525
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,200
[executioner] 36!
526
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:47,360
[executioner] 37!
527
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:51,160
- [executioner] 38!
- What are you doing, did you start without me?
528
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,720
- [executioner] Forgive me.
- Start over.
529
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:56,960
- But we're done, one was missing.
- [Executioner] Shut up!
530
00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:58,800
- [Executioner] One!
- [Ugo's cry of pain]
531
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:00,840
- [Executioner] Two!
- [Ugo] My goodness!
532
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:02,800
- [Executioner] Three!
- [Ugo's cry of pain]
533
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:04,800
- [Executioner] Four!
- [Ugo's cry of pain]
534
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:06,240
- [executioner] Five!
- [Ugo] Why?
535
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:09,560
Six, my gentlemen!
The six is guaranteed!
536
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:14,520
[Screams] Why with this system
you will hit the super-per-ena-lot-to!
537
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:16,040
[breathes deeply]
538
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:20,400
[Paolo Villaggio]At the end of the second
millennium the entire nation was infected
539
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:25,200
from an unstoppable epidemic:
Superenalotto fever.
540
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:29,840
[Paolo Villaggio]Fantozzi was impressed
in a monstrously virulent form.
541
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:32,600
This! I co-buy this!
542
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,120
Pina, we will become rich!
543
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:36,880
But it's not that simple, Ugo.
544
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:40,320
A system with all those columns
who knows how much it costs to play it.
545
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,560
But I don't play alone!
I'm not an idiot!
546
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:45,640
[Ugo chuckles]
547
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:51,600
[Paolo Villaggio] Fantozzi, after
attempted to infect neighbors and relatives
548
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:56,920
he opted for a classic one
category at risk: former colleagues.
549
00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:00,360
And how much would it cost
play this system?
550
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:04,120
Wait, I'll tell you right away.
It's a pretty significant figure.
551
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:07,640
However it is 3 million and 258 thousand lire.
552
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:11,000
But, be careful, "drividendr..."
553
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:13,280
In short, by doing the division you get…
554
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:16,400
Do you happen to have that one with you
machine? The pocket one.
555
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:19,040
Here, give me here.
Pocket-sized? Alright!
556
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:24,320
Okay, so we said
3 million 248 thousand lire, divided… 10.
557
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:28,480
It's exactly three million and two trec...
558
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:32,240
In short, 324 thousand lire per person.
559
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:36,240
Well… it's too much, Fantozzi.
560
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,120
Miss Silvani, please,
561
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:41,240
don't "tell" me that she
does not have this small amount.
562
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,840
Yes, I have them, Fantozzi,
563
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,320
I just put them aside
to buy the exercise bike.
564
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:49,440
Because lately
565
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:51,440
I got a bit of cellulite,
566
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:55,480
but just a pinch
of cellulite on the buttocks!
567
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:56,600
Mmm…
568
00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:59,480
Miss, please,
It's beautiful cellulite.
569
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:05,040
I take advantage of this circumstance to
say that she has a teenager's body.
570
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:09,320
Indeed, we should tell the young lady
not to go out after nine in the evening,
571
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:13,720
because he would run the risk
to come stupa... rape... unblocked.
572
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,000
Maybe, Fantozzi! Let's hope.
573
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:18,000
[from TV]Tonight's Super Enalotto.
574
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:19,920
[Paolo Villaggio]Although an accountant,
575
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:24,800
Fantozzi hadn't calculated that
the possibility of hitting the fateful 6
576
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:27,560
it was one in 600 million!
577
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,440
- Look, we did 2!
- Well.
578
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:32,320
But what good, Fantozzi!
579
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:34,760
Sorry, miss,
580
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:37,400
last time we did 0 now 2,
581
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:40,800
it means luck
it's really getting closer.
582
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:43,920
[sound of breaking glass
and verses of pain by Ugo]
583
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:47,600
But... but sorry,
she broke a bottle over my head.
584
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:51,160
- A bottle of what?
- I'll check for a moment.
585
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:53,960
It is Piedmontese grappa.
586
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,080
- So it's 22 thousand lire.
- Alone?
587
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:58,280
Here are 25 of them.
588
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:00,680
If you give me some change…
He doesn't give change.
589
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:02,800
Um… I'm a little dizzy.
590
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,640
- What was being said?
- That luck…
591
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,000
We gambled a fortune!
592
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:10,200
I had to sell the car!
593
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:12,800
I spent the money
of my nephew's books!
594
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,640
And I have to give back
more than 2 million to a loan shark.
595
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:19,160
Do you know what I'm telling you, Fantozzi?
Do this system yourself!
596
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:21,880
- 'Let's go, guys.
- You left me without a penny!
597
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:25,040
- [Silvani] 'I'm crazy!
- You left us in the middle of the street.
598
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:28,480
- But you're going to hell!
- You ruined me!
599
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:34,680
[melancholic music]
600
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:36,600
[appreciative verses]
601
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:38,840
Piedmontese grappa.
602
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:41,840
[Paolo Villaggio]Despite
that vile mutiny,
603
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:43,880
Fantozzi did not give up.
604
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:45,960
[Paolo Villaggio]But to continue
to play
605
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:50,000
he was forced to apply
harsh cuts in the domestic economy:
606
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:54,760
he had his water and gas cut off
warming and not yet the veins.
607
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:57,440
[Paolo Villaggio]But he sold
all the furniture in the house
608
00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,800
including the double bed.
609
00:33:59,880 --> 00:34:01,760
[Ugo] Pina!
610
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:03,760
Here I am, Ugo, I'm coming!
611
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:07,560
[Ugo shivers]
612
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,600
- Pina! It's terribly cold.
- Wait a minute!
613
00:34:10,679 --> 00:34:13,360
- What is it?
- Bring me a blanket, it's cold.
614
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:16,239
- This is the only patchwork we have.
- The only one…?
615
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:18,400
Patchwork.
But there is a duvet, Ugo.
616
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:20,440
- Bring me the duvet.
- All right.
617
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:23,360
[Ugo] But what is this patchwork?
My God, it's cold.
618
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:25,880
- [Ugo] Oh, how cold!
- Here it is.
619
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:27,800
[Pina] Here it is!
620
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:33,840
- Ugo, but you have a fever.
- It's gaming fever.
621
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:37,840
- But what game, you have a fever of 40!
- But I'm fine!
622
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,719
Never felt so good, as long as I win.
623
00:34:41,679 --> 00:34:44,440
Actually, Pina, do you know what I'm doing now?
624
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,520
I'm going out and playing,
625
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:50,199
so I can get some air
and I "reawakened... I "restored" myself a little.
626
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:54,760
- [Pina] No, that way you risk pneumonia.
- But who cares about pneumonia!
627
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:57,800
I feel like we're going to win this time.
628
00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:00,960
Be reasonable, we've already spent
everything we had.
629
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:03,280
Not everything! One thing remains.
630
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:06,120
- It's there, it's under... it's under the mattress...
- Where?
631
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:09,160
In short, under the cardboard. Come on, give it to me.
632
00:35:09,240 --> 00:35:10,440
- This?
- Yes.
633
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,160
- No, no.
- Give it to me, I'll go play. I'm going now.
634
00:35:13,240 --> 00:35:15,680
No, I'll go like this
you don't get cold, okay?
635
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:17,920
- All right. All right, Pina.
- Here, you stay there.
636
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:21,000
Thank you, Pina, you are so good.
637
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:25,280
Hey, but go now.
Quick, so you don't find anyone.
638
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:26,360
[chuckles]
639
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:31,480
[upbeat music]
640
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:35,560
[in Neapolitan dialect] It's been a lifetime
game, but these numbers never come up!
641
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:39,320
[indistinct voice]
642
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:43,560
[in Roman dialect] If I get 6, I'll buy you one
villa in Velletri that is the envy of everyone.
643
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:48,120
[in Roman dialect] If I make 6, I trim
the villa in Velletri to some asshole
644
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,640
and I'll buy a proper house.
645
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:58,000
[upbeat music]
646
00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:00,120
- So?
- [man] Let's go!
647
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,000
[man] Come on…
648
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,840
Hurry up, in a minute
they don't let us play anymore.
649
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:09,400
[slurring] What are you playing for?
650
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:13,240
[slurring] You never win anyway
It's a waste of money!
651
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:17,480
- You're absolutely right.
- "It's better if you eat the money."
652
00:36:17,560 --> 00:36:20,800
Indeed, "it's better if you drink them".
It's better!
653
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:22,960
It's better if I don't play.
654
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:25,640
- To you, Massimo.
- So, let's see the numbers...
655
00:36:25,720 --> 00:36:27,840
- Here we go.
- Let's see the lottery numbers.
656
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:29,600
- One moment.
- [Massimo]Let's see them one at a time.
657
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:32,480
- [Maximum]34!
- 34, I have it! Here it is.
658
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:38,200
- [Massimo]Second number, 63.
- 63! Both. Both total, Pina!
659
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:41,480
- [Maximum] 70!
- 70… terno.
660
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:45,840
- We have already earned 18,560 lire.
- [Massimo] Attention, 77.
661
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:49,840
- 77... 77 is there!
- [softly] No, no, no…
662
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:52,520
- Fifth number… 83.
- 83!
663
00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:54,360
[Ugo sputters]
664
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:57,080
- [Massimo]And now the last number: 90!
- [softly] Virgin Mary, no!
665
00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:58,840
90!
666
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:02,240
Pina, we are rich!
Pina, we are billionaires!
667
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:05,000
We won, we are billionaires!
668
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:07,600
- Do you realize?
- Sorry, Ugo.
669
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:11,680
Excuse me? But who cares about those
shitty cups? But smash them all!
670
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:14,760
Actually, do you know what we do?
Let's destroy everything there is...
671
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:16,840
Oh well, do you know what we do now?
672
00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:21,720
Let's go out and buy something
to split for this house.
673
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,840
- Huh?
- Ugo, I have to tell you something.
674
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:28,960
We need to celebrate!
Come on, let's start celebrating.
675
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:31,560
- I have to tell you something important.
- [phone rings]
676
00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:34,200
Shut up for a moment, the phone.
677
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:36,800
Ready?
Ah, it's you, young lady, Silvani.
678
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:41,280
I wanted to apologize to her, she had
really right: we had to insist.
679
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:44,440
[embarrassed] I was,
in other words, a fool.
680
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:47,280
[embarrassed] Or rather, an idiot!
681
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:50,360
[embarrassed] What am I saying?
Just a bitch!
682
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:53,640
Eh, I know, I feel sorry for her.
683
00:37:53,720 --> 00:37:57,880
But imagine if he had followed through
my advice: 87 billion!
684
00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:00,040
- No, Ugo, no.
- What do you want, Pina?
685
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,360
- No.
- Wait a minute.
686
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:06,640
But maybe you're right, Pina,
It's best not to let anyone know.
687
00:38:06,720 --> 00:38:09,040
Eh, miss I know,
688
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:11,600
it would have been nice, but instead nothing.
689
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:14,680
Nothing? But she won!
690
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,320
What do I tell you now? Tell me.
691
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:22,760
I'm the ticket
I didn't play it, Ugo!
692
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:27,040
[softly] Perfect, it's one
brilliant dance. Congratulations, Pina.
693
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:31,880
Miss, you won't believe it,
it's a paradoxical thing.
694
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:35,480
Do you think that idiot of mine…
Sorry, Pina.
695
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:39,320
She came out, I had given her the money
to play but nothing, he didn't play.
696
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:41,760
All poor as before.
697
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:46,760
You'll have to excuse me, I have to finish now
beat up my imbecile wife!
698
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:52,520
He didn't play...
699
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:54,280
But who believes it?
700
00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:55,880
[chuckles]
701
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:59,800
But how did it come to your mind?
You're a genius… "He didn't play it!".
702
00:38:59,880 --> 00:39:01,640
[chuckles]
703
00:39:01,720 --> 00:39:05,960
If I hadn't played it, I would have you
torn to pieces and put in a suitcase,
704
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:09,360
and sent by priority mail to Voghera.
705
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:12,000
[laughing] In Voghera… Oh, my God!
706
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:17,760
Alright, come on, let's go! I'm going to
celebrate, who cares about fever?
707
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:21,560
I'm going down to the bar
to buy some champagne, huh?
708
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,240
Pina, wait for me here, I feel like drinking.
709
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:27,760
[Ugo] Billionaire!
I'm a billionaire!
710
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:32,560
Dear viewers,
we speak to you from the lucky bookshop
711
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:36,120
where it was played
the 87 billion win!
712
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:40,760
Hopefully with a little luck
we'll bring home a fantastic scoop!
713
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:42,440
Follow me!
714
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:48,240
Good evening, madam, "you say", you know
the identity of the lucky winner?
715
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:51,520
But look, he's wrong,
the 6 was not played here.
716
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:53,560
Incredible, ladies and gentlemen.
717
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:55,640
Not only do they deny winnings to winners,
718
00:39:55,720 --> 00:39:58,480
but they also deny them
to the bookshop managers!
719
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:00,480
But we don't fall for it!
720
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:04,800
Because we got an indiscretion
from the lucky man's former colleague,
721
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:08,560
who provided us with the identikit!
722
00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:12,200
By which
we can show it to you live!
723
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:15,720
Here you are! It seems to us that it is him.
724
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:19,120
- He's the accountant Fantocci!
- Fantozzi.
725
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:23,560
Yes, yes, look, we're live
on the news on unified networks!
726
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:28,320
"Tell" the Italians what it feels like
to have a crazy ass!
727
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:32,000
Excuse me for a moment, journalist,
Look, there's a "qui pro quo", eh!
728
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:33,960
Because I didn't win anything...
729
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:38,280
And who talked about victory? So her
How did he know what I was referring to?
730
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:41,720
- Eh, well, it's just that I did...
- Ladies and gentlemen, he is the winner.
731
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:44,240
"Show us" what kind of ass he has!
732
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,360
But please! Please.
733
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:49,840
- Puppets, his case of champagne.
- Ah, I was wrong, huh?
734
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:53,200
Then why did he order
a case of champagne?
735
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,040
I didn't order champagne,
736
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:59,120
I ordered some shampoo.
737
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:03,240
- Shampoo at the bar?
- There are many bars that have shampoo.
738
00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:07,000
And then I'm full of dandruff, don't you see?
739
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:10,920
Ladies and gentlemen, you have witnessed
to the usual pitiful scene,
740
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:14,880
but this time too
we managed to screw up the winner
741
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:17,360
and your envy has been satisfied!
742
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:21,680
[Ugo] I'm rich!
I'm rich, rich, rich.
743
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:23,520
[Ugo] Pina, Pina!
744
00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:26,640
Pina, everyone knows, you know?
Word has spread.
745
00:41:26,720 --> 00:41:29,480
[chuckling] Pina! Pina!
746
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:32,200
Pina, victory!
Come on, let's celebrate.
747
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:35,400
Pina, where are you? Pina, Pina, Pina!
748
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:37,320
[Pina]Dear Ugo,
I'll leave you this note
749
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:40,680
because I didn't have
the courage to tell you the whole truth
750
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:43,240
I am the system
I haven't actually played it.
751
00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:45,280
[Pina]I know you will never be able to forgive me
752
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:48,480
and I'm leaving because you
doesn't have to have it in front of you every day
753
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:51,440
the one who ruined your life
forever.
754
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:53,240
[Pina]Goodbye, Ugo.
755
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:55,000
[melancholic music]
756
00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:57,120
[Ugo] But whore Eva!
757
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:59,720
[melancholic music]
758
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:02,040
Let them "tell" me something.
759
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,640
I'm almost Albanian.
760
00:42:06,720 --> 00:42:10,160
I have a…
I have 9… 15 children.
761
00:42:10,240 --> 00:42:12,520
I'm hungry, my mother
How hungry.
762
00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:14,920
[angelic music]
763
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,840
But… it is the goddess Fortuna.
764
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:19,760
Miss, here I am!
765
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:23,120
Please give me a hand.
You kiss me…
766
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:25,080
[Ugo] Luck kisses me!
767
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:28,120
Come! "Come"!
768
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:30,320
I'm coming, "come"!
769
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:34,160
Miss, Fortune,
look, I'm here…
770
00:42:34,240 --> 00:42:37,120
[Ugo] I'm waiting for him. I am here.
771
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:39,120
Luck, you kiss me!
772
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:43,600
- [suspenseful music]
- But... what is he doing? Oh, be careful!
773
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:47,080
[knocks on the door and doorbell]
774
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:49,440
[Ugo] What is it? Huh? Who is?
775
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:52,920
- [knocks on the door and bell]
- Who is he?
776
00:42:59,240 --> 00:43:01,040
[Silvani breathes heavily]
777
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:04,600
- My puppet... all these stairs!
- Oh, I know.
778
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:07,920
- I came to see you.
- Then I'll put the elevator.
779
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:11,720
- But why are you making that face?
- Eh, Miss Silvani.
780
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:16,720
A real misfortune happened,
I was hit by Fortune.
781
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:20,400
Well? And you make that face?
But lucky you!
782
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:23,400
Oh yes, to be honest,
783
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,800
I came to ask you for a little favor.
784
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:29,080
- [embarrassed laughter]
- Well, if I may...
785
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:32,640
You can, you can… Fantozzi,
put a hand on your conscience!
786
00:43:32,720 --> 00:43:35,880
Me, with that money
to play your system
787
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:37,680
I fainted.
788
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,760
Now that you've won, at least,
give me back what I spent.
789
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:44,800
Miss, Silvani, I'm sorry,
but there is a very painful misunderstanding.
790
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:48,400
Erm... unfortunately I didn't play,
I didn't win anything.
791
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:52,040
Again with this story. I have you
heard when you were talking to your wife.
792
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:54,520
By the way, where is he?
793
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:56,640
That damned bitch!
794
00:43:56,720 --> 00:44:01,640
If it comes to hand, I'll do it
in pieces and I'll send it by post to Voghera.
795
00:44:01,720 --> 00:44:05,760
And well done!
Now that you've won, you've kicked her out, well done!
796
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:09,200
After all, now you can afford…
797
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:11,880
..better!
798
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:13,280
[sensual music]
799
00:44:13,360 --> 00:44:16,680
Miss, but you want to do me
suspect that I might…
800
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:17,960
[appreciative verse]
801
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:21,040
That I could have
a little relationship with her?
802
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:22,760
[laughing] One?
803
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:27,360
But 87 billion relationships, Fantozzi!
804
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:30,920
Let's start with the first…
[Ugo splutters incomprehensible words]
805
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,200
Here? In this dump?
806
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:36,080
Among all these boxes? Never!
807
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:38,760
Now…
808
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:40,360
[Miss Silvani laughs]
809
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:42,800
…we need it
810
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:46,240
of a place for just the two of us.
811
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:48,120
[pleasure verses by Ugo]
812
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:50,600
A very intimate place.
813
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:53,120
- Yes…
- A love nest.
814
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:56,240
[Ugo screams with pleasure]
A nest?
815
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:59,320
Of a little house,
816
00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:02,920
little one, little one!
817
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:05,040
[Paolo Villaggio]The little house
818
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:08,560
it actually turned out to be the residence
autumnal of Pope Boniface VIII
819
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:10,880
Now owned
from a butcher from the Agro Pontino.
820
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:13,360
[Paolo Villaggio]Fantozzi
agreed on a monthly rent
821
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:16,280
equal to 6 kilos and 24 grams of bills.
822
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:18,880
- [bell rings]
- But who…? Pina!
823
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:21,480
Coffee and newspaper…
824
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:26,200
But what are you saying? If you want
a coffee, you get up and go make it.
825
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:28,680
You must excuse me, madam, miss,
826
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:30,840
but my wife Pina
every morning he brings me…
827
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:35,280
Your wife isn't here, so if
you want a coffee, you get up and make it. Ugh!
828
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:37,680
[bell ringing]
829
00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:40,840
Here, here I am! Who is?
830
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,640
- [bell rings]
- I'm coming, I'm coming at a gallop.
831
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:46,480
Here I am.
832
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:48,280
- [man] Good morning!
- Do you want?
833
00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:50,800
I have to deliver this to you
by the Mileni jewelry store.
834
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:54,080
Jewelry, no, there is a misunderstanding.
Come back in about ten years, 15 actually.
835
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:57,280
But no, Little Boy.
836
00:45:57,360 --> 00:45:59,440
I ordered it!
837
00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:04,360
Because I thought you wanted to
give me an engagement gift.
838
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:07,600
Yes, but I have a problem.
I mean, I have a big problem.
839
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:09,880
- At this moment I don't…
- But don't worry!
840
00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:13,040
The owner, in fact, compliments her,
he saw it on television.
841
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:14,760
- You say?
- I saw it too.
842
00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:18,400
He said not to worry, he can
pay when he has collected the prize.
843
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:21,680
- Okay, goodbye then...
- Meanwhile, if you would like to sign.
844
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:24,040
- Here's the pen...
- But is it a receipt?
845
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:26,240
- No, a bill of exchange.
- Another one?
846
00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:30,360
- [man] Here, here. Exactly.
- [Ugo] How many bills do I sign?
847
00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:32,720
- Thank you and goodbye.
- Goodbye…
848
00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:36,120
Can you show me… the ring?
849
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:40,560
But... but sorry, you have an abnormal finger.
850
00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:42,960
But no, little boy,
851
00:46:43,040 --> 00:46:44,960
it's a tiara!
852
00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:48,320
Of course, it costs a lot more than a ring.
853
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:50,120
Ah, thank goodness!
854
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:53,400
- But he looks dirty!
- Yes.
855
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:55,120
Look!
856
00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:58,720
Don't I look… like a princess?
857
00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:00,360
Yes!
858
00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:02,360
Listen, little princess,
859
00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:05,200
I would humbly point them out
860
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:08,840
than when I got married
with my wife, Mrs. Pina…
861
00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:12,280
- The redfish.
- Oh, yes, the scorpion fish.
862
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:16,720
I gave it to her
a very small gold-like ring.
863
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:19,520
Fanto', but with 'this Pina!
864
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:24,480
[Ugo] Excuse me, miss, but those 87
billions of things when do they start?
865
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:26,640
[Paolo Villaggio]
After the initial enthusiasm,
866
00:47:26,720 --> 00:47:30,280
cohabitation with Silvani
it got worse day by day.
867
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:33,640
[Paolo Villaggio] Fantozzi warned
distinctly missing his wife
868
00:47:33,720 --> 00:47:36,520
in one of the moments
crucial aspects of his life:
869
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:39,120
the final of the football World Cup!
870
00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:42,160
Miss Silvani!
I need her, where is she?
871
00:47:42,240 --> 00:47:45,600
I don't see it!
Alé, oh-oh!
872
00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:47,840
[chuckles]
873
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:50,360
- I'm here!
- [trumpet sound]
874
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:53,400
Ah, here I am! [laughs]
875
00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:56,720
- [stadium horn sound]
- [Ugo] Here I am, miss!
876
00:47:57,440 --> 00:47:59,040
Ah, here it is.
877
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:01,520
I was... I was looking for her.
878
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:05,240
Because I need it
that she "ironed" me immediately, immediately,
879
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:09,280
this national team shirt,
otherwise I can't cheer.
880
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:11,800
You iron it yourself.
881
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:13,440
Like alone?
882
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:18,120
Forgive me, Miss Silvani, I'm not
capable, my wife has always done it for me.
883
00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:21,360
Ah, how much you are annoying, Fantozzi!
884
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:24,000
Let's go "there",
I'll show you how it's done.
885
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:25,760
- Where?
- "From there"!
886
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:28,280
- "From there"...
- So!
887
00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:31,600
- This is a press.
- Yes, typical.
888
00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:34,600
- Turn the key.
- Yes.
889
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:36,800
- Raise the press.
- I raise the press.
890
00:48:36,880 --> 00:48:39,240
- Take the cloth to be ironed.
- Certain.
891
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:41,840
- You lay it down with your holy hands.
- Yes.
892
00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:44,080
Lower the press again.
893
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:48,760
Once it's done, it gets up on its own.
Even a fool could do it!
894
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:50,800
Oh well…
895
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:53,880
Fantozzi,
We can't go on like this!
896
00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:57,480
They want us here
two or three service people.
897
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:00,840
Therefore, "de… de la".
898
00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:02,600
Here you go.
899
00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:06,680
- [sound of pain]
- [Silvani] Are you okay, Fanto'?
900
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:12,800
Yes, just a few incisors.
901
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:15,240
So…
"De la", I take la.
902
00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:17,840
I lift the... the press and put it here.
903
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:20,680
I take the shirt.
904
00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:23,480
Done.
I'll put it like this...
905
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:27,440
Mom, my but…
906
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:30,960
[Ugo's verses of pain]
907
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:34,680
[Ugo splutters incomprehensible words]
908
00:49:34,760 --> 00:49:38,800
[Ugo's moans]
909
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:43,880
[Ugo's verses of pain]
910
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:49,640
- [Silvani] How did it come?
- Eh, well...
911
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:54,480
Well-be-good.
She came out normal. In short…
912
00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:56,720
[Pizzul, from TV]The great
the moment has come.
913
00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:59,840
[Pizzul]The final is about to begin
of the Football World Championship,
914
00:49:59,920 --> 00:50:03,240
which promises to be the truth
It's the game of the millennium.
915
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:05,040
- [Ugo] Here we are!
- [sound of a stadium horn]
916
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:07,680
I'm from the curve!
I'm very excited!
917
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:10,200
I'll start by saying that for the matches
of Italy I'm used to having
918
00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:12,560
a small table in front of the TV!
919
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:16,120
Onion omelette,
cold beer and free burp!
920
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:18,720
Well?
No, I say: "well"?
921
00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:22,960
I have a sinister feeling that she
onion omelette doesn't do it, eh?
922
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:26,800
- I don't think about it at all, Fantozzi.
- Oh well, "upstream".
923
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:28,720
But which one is "upstream"?
924
00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:33,000
- In fact, I think the idea of the omelette
this is a brilliant idea! - He changed…
925
00:50:33,080 --> 00:50:36,080
He changed his mind! It does, huh?
926
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:38,520
No, you make it and I'll eat it.
927
00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:41,920
Listen, put lots of onions in it
because I like it full-bodied.
928
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,120
- Go, go!
- I go.
929
00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:47,400
- I mean, I don't play the game...
- No, you don't see it.
930
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:49,480
But just make the omelette, go!
931
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:53,640
[Bruno Pizzul]Here's Pippo Inzaghi who
comes to the conclusion. He saves the goalkeeper.
932
00:50:53,720 --> 00:50:56,600
[Bruno Pizzul]Italy
still maintains the initiative.
933
00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:02,480
[Bruno Pizzul]Here's the passage
from Nesta to center field. Totti, tunnel!
934
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:06,160
- [Pizzul]An extraordinary match.
- Fly!
935
00:51:06,240 --> 00:51:09,920
Miss, please,
at least tell me the score.
936
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:14,280
- [Silvani] 0 to 0. But think about the omelette!
- Yes, yes, it's almost ready!
937
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:16,880
Hades-now… I'll pull it.
938
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:21,440
- Now... I'll turn it around!
-Cross, header by Vieri...
939
00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:23,880
[Silvani] Goal! There's none for anyone!
940
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:26,600
- [Silvani hums]
- [Ugo] How was the goal?
941
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:28,840
- [Ugo] How was the goal?
- [Silvani hums]
942
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:30,720
Oh, beautiful, the end of the world!
943
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:34,680
Excuse me, "are we sorry" if I stay here?
Because they certainly show the "replai".
944
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:38,200
- [Ugo] The "ruplai".
- Is the omelette burning? Go and see.
945
00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:41,600
- Because I would like to see…
- Go see the omelette!
946
00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:43,680
Oh well, but…
947
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:47,160
And come back soon,
otherwise you'll even miss the replay!
948
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:52,080
But how, here the omelette burns!
Luckily I arrived...
949
00:51:52,160 --> 00:51:53,960
But where is the omelette?
950
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:58,080
But here was the fry...
It's no longer there, the omelette has disappeared.
951
00:51:58,160 --> 00:52:01,000
- Ah, here it is.
- [Silvani] Run, there's a replay!
952
00:52:01,080 --> 00:52:04,760
It's the best goal I've seen in my life!
It's really cool!
953
00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:07,480
- [Ugo] What goal? Who? Who scored?
- But did you see it?
954
00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:10,280
[Ugo] Eh, well, seen,
I imagine it. I'm happy…
955
00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:13,280
[Paolo Villaggio]La Silvani
for Valentine's Day he had requested:
956
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:16,680
a designer suit
and authenticated by two Turkish notaries,
957
00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:21,400
and a priceless panda fur
killed with a hammer!
958
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:25,200
Ah, Fantozzi, but when
Shall we change this shitty car?
959
00:52:25,280 --> 00:52:28,040
It lowers our level, because now we are…
[spits]
960
00:52:28,120 --> 00:52:30,080
…highly placed.
961
00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:31,760
Yes, miss, you are right.
962
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:36,400
I have already booked "'na machina",
as you say, a Roy Roy, even,
963
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:41,600
but we still have difficulties,
a baker near my house told me,
964
00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:44,680
because the dashboard comes from South Africa.
965
00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:49,240
[Silvani] Fantozzi, who are those?
What do they want?
966
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:53,720
[Ugo] I don't know. But I believe that
it is much better to leave the position.
967
00:52:53,800 --> 00:52:56,200
- Are you crazy? Why?
- Then I'll explain.
968
00:52:56,280 --> 00:52:59,080
- [men] Come here, come!
- Where are you going?
969
00:52:59,160 --> 00:53:02,280
- You have to give me the money, do you understand?
- Wretched man!
970
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:04,280
Hey, I have the bill here!
971
00:53:04,360 --> 00:53:07,880
- [man] Oh, so?
- Get the money!
972
00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:10,760
[man] What should we do?
To open or not to open?
973
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:12,520
[indistinct voice]
974
00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:15,040
- [man] I'll open the door!
- [Ugo] Look at the door...
975
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:17,680
[man] Then you don't understand! Come out!
976
00:53:17,760 --> 00:53:19,840
[Ugo] I'll put the handle here...
977
00:53:19,920 --> 00:53:22,800
- What do we do, do I kill him right away?
- No, wait a minute.
978
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:26,880
Look, you little shit, you have to pay me
the rent, otherwise I'll rip your nose off!
979
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:29,600
- Even an ear, yes!
- Both! Both!
980
00:53:29,680 --> 00:53:33,160
- Lives! Give him the screw! First the nose.
- [Ugo] No, no!
981
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:36,720
- I didn't win!
- But how dare you?
982
00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:39,760
- Oh, leave him alone, otherwise I'll...
- If not what?
983
00:53:39,840 --> 00:53:43,360
- If not, you'll hurt him.
- Chanterelle! Come here and I'll turn you off.
984
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:46,400
- [Silvani] Leave the fur!
- [man] Give me this fur coat!
985
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:50,480
- [men] And give me the panda!
- Yes, come on, come on, come on!
986
00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:53,160
[Silvani screams]
987
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:58,000
- Fantozzi, give him the money, right?
- Yes, give me the money.
988
00:53:58,080 --> 00:54:01,560
Yes, miss, but the problem
I just don't have the money.
989
00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:06,920
- I want to see the ticket!
- But I only have this ticket.
990
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:10,440
"Dear Ugo, I leave you this note
because I didn't find the courage..."
991
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:12,480
- But what do you want?
- [man] I want to read!
992
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:14,200
"..to tell you the whole truth:
993
00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:17,520
I'm the system
I haven't actually played it."
994
00:54:17,600 --> 00:54:20,120
- [men] But why didn't he play it?
- And now?
995
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:22,040
And now?
996
00:54:22,120 --> 00:54:24,480
But then
997
00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:26,600
you don't have a penny!
998
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:30,760
So… all this…
999
00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:32,800
- Ma'am?
- Yes?
1000
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:34,760
The tiara.
1001
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:40,680
- And now?
- No, Miss Silvani...
1002
00:54:40,760 --> 00:54:43,080
- [Miss Silvani cries]
- Actually, I… Don't "cry".
1003
00:54:43,160 --> 00:54:45,600
- Please…
- [crying] Fantozzi…
1004
00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:47,680
But fuck you!
1005
00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:50,320
- [Silvani] And get up!
- But are you always pushing?
1006
00:54:50,400 --> 00:54:54,040
[man] But look at this!
But leave this poor thing alone!
1007
00:54:55,440 --> 00:55:02,400
[funeral march]
1008
00:55:02,480 --> 00:55:09,080
[funeral march]
1009
00:55:09,160 --> 00:55:11,120
[noise of key in the lock
and door opening]
1010
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:13,200
[funeral march]
1011
00:55:14,120 --> 00:55:15,960
- Who is he?
- [Pina gasps]
1012
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:19,600
Sorry, Ugo.
I didn't think I'd find you here.
1013
00:55:21,120 --> 00:55:25,040
They told me you were in one
beautiful villa with Miss Silvani.
1014
00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:26,160
I was.
1015
00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:29,160
Hello, Pina.
1016
00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:34,240
Anyway, don't worry,
I take my stuff and leave.
1017
00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:37,080
No, wait!
No, Pina, please, no.
1018
00:55:37,160 --> 00:55:41,320
Don't go away,
stay here a little while I want to talk to you.
1019
00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:42,840
Come on, please, Pina.
1020
00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:45,760
Can I tell you something?
1021
00:55:45,840 --> 00:55:50,920
Look at that story with
Silvani was a catastrophe, you know?
1022
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:54,440
I don't say this to flatter you,
but all the time I was with her
1023
00:55:54,520 --> 00:55:58,800
I was really very sick.
1024
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:03,000
And then I understood
something very important,
1025
00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:07,280
that in life money…
that's not all.
1026
00:56:07,360 --> 00:56:09,240
- You say?
- No.
1027
00:56:10,360 --> 00:56:14,120
And… you're better off without money.
1028
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:15,680
But not… Well…
1029
00:56:15,760 --> 00:56:19,080
Not exactly like that,
but it is better to be poor.
1030
00:56:20,600 --> 00:56:23,320
You know what the thing is
most important in life?
1031
00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:25,520
I understand it now, as an old man.
1032
00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:27,200
Love.
1033
00:56:27,280 --> 00:56:31,160
And you are by far
the most important person…
1034
00:56:32,240 --> 00:56:34,400
most important thing in my life.
1035
00:56:34,480 --> 00:56:36,560
- [sniffles]
- Thank you, Ugo.
1036
00:56:37,320 --> 00:56:39,680
You are a wonderful man.
1037
00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:41,240
I?
1038
00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:45,960
Can I ask you something
what have I never asked you?
1039
00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:49,760
But you... do you love me a little?
1040
00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:52,920
I respect you very much, Ugo.
1041
00:56:53,920 --> 00:56:56,080
No love, huh? Alright.
1042
00:56:56,520 --> 00:57:00,480
[Paolo Villaggio]Like every teenager,
also Uga, Fantozzi's niece,
1043
00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:02,400
she had adapted to the latest fashion:
1044
00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:06,120
gymnastic shoes
with multilayer wedge
1045
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:08,440
mammoth flared trousers
1046
00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:13,280
and ultra skimpy mini top
with a guaranteed sexy effect.
1047
00:57:13,360 --> 00:57:15,680
Hey, beautiful! Are you coming for a ride?
1048
00:57:15,760 --> 00:57:17,640
- Are you talking to me?
- Hate!
1049
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:21,320
[upbeat music]
1050
00:57:21,400 --> 00:57:23,600
- It's her.
- But how long does it last, sorry?
1051
00:57:23,680 --> 00:57:26,840
Well, until his parents
they don't come back from Africa.
1052
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:28,360
Oh well…
1053
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:32,000
- [in a nasal voice] Hello, grandfather!
- [Ugo's frightened sound]
1054
00:57:32,080 --> 00:57:33,200
Hello, grandma!
1055
00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:37,320
We finally see our granddaughter again.
1056
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:39,200
[in a nasal voice]
Eh, granddaughter, grandmother, grandson!
1057
00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:41,240
I'm 17 now, I'm a woman!
1058
00:57:41,320 --> 00:57:46,080
- I see that you are beautifully grown.
- Well, beautiful... In short, grown up.
1059
00:57:46,160 --> 00:57:51,520
However, look, you will remain
always my sweet babbui... little girl!
1060
00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:53,720
Bam-baby!
1061
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:55,520
Come, Ughina, I'll show you.
1062
00:57:55,600 --> 00:57:59,880
We freshened up mom's room
which will now become yours.
1063
00:57:59,960 --> 00:58:02,560
[Ugo] Yes, your stable! Room!
1064
00:58:02,640 --> 00:58:04,480
[Ugo] Room, I meant.
1065
00:58:04,560 --> 00:58:05,920
It's all neat and clean.
1066
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:08,080
Yes, she's neat. Have you seen, little one?
1067
00:58:08,160 --> 00:58:11,840
We also put
mother's vine who played with it...
1068
00:58:12,240 --> 00:58:14,040
- So, do you like it?
- Huh?
1069
00:58:15,800 --> 00:58:17,520
[Uga] Yes, but it's...
1070
00:58:18,160 --> 00:58:19,280
[Uga] But it's a bit...
1071
00:58:19,360 --> 00:58:20,720
A little what?
1072
00:58:21,720 --> 00:58:23,840
It's a little too white.
1073
00:58:23,920 --> 00:58:25,800
Can I make changes?
1074
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:27,920
I'd like to personalize it a bit.
1075
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:31,000
Of course, Ughina,
this is your room.
1076
00:58:31,080 --> 00:58:33,520
And you can fix it as you see fit.
1077
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:34,680
Thank you.
1078
00:58:34,760 --> 00:58:37,120
- Kisses, grandfather!
- Uh, no…
1079
00:58:37,200 --> 00:58:39,000
- You better send me…
- Ugo!
1080
00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:41,160
..two lines of thanks.
1081
00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:44,840
[Ugo's sound of amazement)
1082
00:58:44,920 --> 00:58:47,240
Oh, my God! But listen to this…
1083
00:58:47,320 --> 00:58:48,800
But here a misfortune happened!
1084
00:58:49,200 --> 00:58:51,000
The sewer broke!
1085
00:58:51,080 --> 00:58:55,240
Be careful, there's a dead horse here
buried down here for about ten years...
1086
00:58:55,880 --> 00:58:59,440
- In fact…
- Here is the cause, it stinks...
1087
00:59:00,040 --> 00:59:02,000
- No! Don't touch it!
- [Ugo] The boot…
1088
00:59:02,080 --> 00:59:04,240
It's a token of love.
1089
00:59:04,680 --> 00:59:06,400
A token of love?
1090
00:59:08,760 --> 00:59:11,640
- [Pina] Ugo, I'm a bit worried.
- Why?
1091
00:59:11,720 --> 00:59:15,120
The little first
he spoke of a love pledge.
1092
00:59:15,200 --> 00:59:19,400
Oh well,
she will be in love with her usual peer.
1093
00:59:19,480 --> 00:59:21,720
But don't worry,
I understand it,
1094
00:59:21,800 --> 00:59:24,280
those aren't dangerous,
1095
00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:27,560
they are still platonic relationships.
1096
00:59:27,640 --> 00:59:30,800
- What if it's not platonic?
- [Ugo] Well, let's hope not.
1097
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:35,080
Her parents entrusted her to us,
and now we are responsible.
1098
00:59:35,160 --> 00:59:40,120
Well, come on, those in charge…
Don't worry, nothing happens.
1099
00:59:41,120 --> 00:59:43,520
Listen, Ugo, I'm a woman,
1100
00:59:43,600 --> 00:59:46,440
and let me tell you
that I understand these things better than you.
1101
00:59:46,520 --> 00:59:49,200
- [Pina] She is now a young lady...
- Eh.
1102
00:59:49,280 --> 00:59:53,200
And it begins to have
his first sexual urges.
1103
00:59:53,280 --> 00:59:55,560
Who?
[laughing] That monkey…
1104
00:59:55,640 --> 00:59:58,360
Um, no, I meant… the little one.
1105
00:59:58,440 --> 01:00:01,480
Of course!
She's a girl like any other!
1106
01:00:02,000 --> 01:00:04,600
Well, all the others… well.
1107
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:06,680
But what happened to him? Call her!
1108
01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:09,480
I don't feel like it
to start eating without…
1109
01:00:09,560 --> 01:00:11,320
without… of…
1110
01:00:12,080 --> 01:00:13,680
of her!
1111
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:18,200
- [Pina knocks on the door]
- Ughina?
1112
01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:24,760
[Pina gasps] Ugo!
1113
01:00:24,840 --> 01:00:26,040
Eh!
1114
01:00:26,120 --> 01:00:28,200
What happened, huh?
1115
01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:31,320
But what happened? Did she hang herself?
1116
01:00:31,400 --> 01:00:33,800
But these naked men?
1117
01:00:33,880 --> 01:00:37,520
But what are you saying? "Naked men", Pina?
1118
01:00:37,600 --> 01:00:42,440
Don't you see? These are
the classic posters of the third millennium.
1119
01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:45,920
These are the idols
of today's girls.
1120
01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:48,200
These are… you see it, right?
1121
01:00:48,280 --> 01:00:51,600
They are actors, singers... swimmers.
1122
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:53,240
But what swimmers, Ugo!
1123
01:00:53,320 --> 01:00:56,000
These are photographs
obscene and scandalous.
1124
01:00:56,080 --> 01:00:57,240
You are full of prejudices.
1125
01:00:57,320 --> 01:01:02,640
Look at the male body too
it has its harmony and…
1126
01:01:03,040 --> 01:01:04,760
Me for example…
And his poetry.
1127
01:01:04,840 --> 01:01:06,000
- Oh, yes?
- Yes.
1128
01:01:06,080 --> 01:01:09,080
And this? What poetry does he have?
1129
01:01:09,160 --> 01:01:12,240
I'll tell you, this one
it's the classic attack...
1130
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:14,160
Wait… One moment.
1131
01:01:14,240 --> 01:01:17,720
At that time? Do you like posters?
Cool, right?
1132
01:01:18,680 --> 01:01:20,920
This is Alex.
1133
01:01:21,000 --> 01:01:22,840
How it turns me on!
1134
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:24,440
"It turns me on"?
1135
01:01:24,520 --> 01:01:26,880
Ughina, but... how do you speak?
1136
01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:29,680
Grandpa, what should I tell you?
When it's needed, it's needed.
1137
01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:31,840
When I see it,
I feel all…
1138
01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:33,680
[verses of desire]
1139
01:01:33,760 --> 01:01:34,760
Stop!
1140
01:01:34,840 --> 01:01:38,040
Look, Ughina,
You and I have to talk without grandma
1141
01:01:38,120 --> 01:01:40,200
here... four eyes.
1142
01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:43,320
After, because now I have to do it
a phone call and then I have to go out.
1143
01:01:43,400 --> 01:01:45,480
So shove!
After, after.
1144
01:01:45,960 --> 01:01:47,040
[Uga] Yes, later.
1145
01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:50,480
- Watch out for that coat hanger.
- Agree. After. HI.
1146
01:01:50,560 --> 01:01:52,080
But what happens?
1147
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:55,160
Pina, I wouldn't worry so much,
1148
01:01:55,240 --> 01:01:57,720
will be in heat like all souls…
1149
01:01:57,800 --> 01:02:00,120
- Um, no, the primates…
- What are you saying, Ugo?
1150
01:02:00,200 --> 01:02:02,400
..like all girls her age.
1151
01:02:02,480 --> 01:02:05,280
Then he passes them. Let's hope so.
1152
01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:08,760
Alex is everything to me, you know? I love him!
1153
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:11,200
But you saw the show
the other night?
1154
01:02:11,280 --> 01:02:13,040
You don't know you're lost!
1155
01:02:13,120 --> 01:02:15,080
He has two bibs,
1156
01:02:15,160 --> 01:02:19,040
that when I see them…
everything is on fire!
1157
01:02:19,120 --> 01:02:21,960
And behind
he's got that muscular ass,
1158
01:02:22,480 --> 01:02:25,920
that makes him move that pelvis
back and forth, back and forth,
1159
01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:28,480
that makes me all…
1160
01:02:28,560 --> 01:02:31,240
No, no! Nothing has happened yet!
1161
01:02:31,320 --> 01:02:33,640
But in Bologna I came close.
1162
01:02:33,720 --> 01:02:36,200
Yes, but that asshole manager
yes he got in the way!
1163
01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:41,040
But he... he gave me his shoe,
I always keep her close to me.
1164
01:02:41,120 --> 01:02:42,880
[sniffs]
1165
01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:44,920
It smells like him!
1166
01:02:45,000 --> 01:02:48,000
Eh! No, they're doing it again tonight
the show at Touch Me.
1167
01:02:48,080 --> 01:02:51,440
This is my chance!
I don't want to miss it, you know?
1168
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:52,920
Yes. Yes!
1169
01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:56,880
Because I want it to be him
to pluck the flower of my virginity.
1170
01:02:58,600 --> 01:03:01,800
Oh well, it's better this way, Pina,
it means he hasn't yet...
1171
01:03:01,880 --> 01:03:03,680
It could happen
from one moment to the next.
1172
01:03:03,760 --> 01:03:06,000
Yes, but it takes a man
with a stomach of fe…
1173
01:03:07,840 --> 01:03:10,480
I can't wait to be his!
1174
01:03:11,320 --> 01:03:14,040
Whoa! Excuse me.
1175
01:03:14,120 --> 01:03:17,320
Cut because we need the phone.
1176
01:03:17,400 --> 01:03:20,040
Okay, yes, grandpa right away.
Look, I have to leave you.
1177
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:23,680
Yes, no, no, I'll call you later,
so I'll let you know how it went!
1178
01:03:23,760 --> 01:03:25,960
Ugo, I'm very worried.
1179
01:03:26,040 --> 01:03:30,840
Pina, you... you can't see it,
but I'm starting to get worried too.
1180
01:03:30,920 --> 01:03:33,720
- Well, I'm going.
- Where are you going, sorry?
1181
01:03:33,800 --> 01:03:35,840
- Where are you going?
- HI!
1182
01:03:37,000 --> 01:03:38,320
[Ugo] Hello…
1183
01:03:38,800 --> 01:03:41,320
- Gone away.
- But how did it go?
1184
01:03:41,400 --> 01:03:45,000
We can't let her go like this,
we absolutely must follow it.
1185
01:03:45,080 --> 01:03:46,880
Yes, but… but where?
1186
01:03:46,960 --> 01:03:48,880
But haven't you heard? At Touch Me.
1187
01:03:48,960 --> 01:03:50,600
What is this…?
1188
01:03:50,680 --> 01:03:54,960
Eh, I don't know, it might be that place
where that... Alex is holding the concert,
1189
01:03:55,040 --> 01:03:56,720
his platonic love.
1190
01:04:02,240 --> 01:04:03,720
Please.
1191
01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:06,040
[indistinct voice]
1192
01:04:06,120 --> 01:04:08,040
Calm down, calm down!
1193
01:04:08,120 --> 01:04:11,240
- Stop, where are you going?
- I'm going to hear the concert.
1194
01:04:11,320 --> 01:04:13,600
But which concert? But can't you read?
1195
01:04:13,680 --> 01:04:17,240
Tonight there is male striptease
integral, therefore only women,
1196
01:04:17,320 --> 01:04:19,640
otherwise it will be filled with "rich people" here!
1197
01:04:19,720 --> 01:04:20,960
You're welcome, girls.
1198
01:04:21,040 --> 01:04:22,920
Let's go go.
Goodbye.
1199
01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:25,800
- He doesn't shake hands.
- But no, Ugo, at least I'll go!
1200
01:04:26,360 --> 01:04:28,720
But how are you doing? There's striptease
full length, Pina, please!
1201
01:04:28,800 --> 01:04:31,200
What do I care?
I do it for the little one.
1202
01:04:31,280 --> 01:04:36,240
Let's do something, you come in, I'll try to
invent something and then... I'll join you.
1203
01:04:37,200 --> 01:04:39,480
- [man] So, do you want to come in?
- Thanks, permission.
1204
01:04:39,560 --> 01:04:43,760
[music from "Blue - Da Ba Dee"
of the Eiffel 65 and women's screams]
1205
01:04:43,840 --> 01:04:46,280
- [women] Well done!
- Encore!
1206
01:04:46,360 --> 01:04:47,360
[music from "Blue - Da Ba Dee"
of the Eiffel 65 and women's screams]
1207
01:05:11,760 --> 01:05:15,280
Excuse me, ma'am, you're busy,
I'm waiting for my husband.
1208
01:05:15,760 --> 01:05:17,800
What the fuck are you saying, Pina,
I am your husband.
1209
01:05:18,720 --> 01:05:20,480
Maria, Mari…
1210
01:05:20,560 --> 01:05:24,440
Oh, yes, because my name is Marika. We are
two friends and we came to see here…
1211
01:05:24,520 --> 01:05:27,840
But how long did it take you?
The show is almost over.
1212
01:05:27,920 --> 01:05:30,800
But what do I care about the show?
Pina, don't bother, eh!
1213
01:05:30,880 --> 01:05:33,960
It's not easy to find
something decent in my size.
1214
01:05:34,040 --> 01:05:37,240
- But where is Ughina?
- I do not know! I couldn't see her.
1215
01:05:37,320 --> 01:05:39,280
[music from "Blue - Da Ba Dee"
of the Eiffel 65 and women's screams]
1216
01:05:39,360 --> 01:05:42,320
Look at these guys!
It's just a disgusting thing.
1217
01:05:42,400 --> 01:05:47,800
- Today you said he had his own poem.
- I? Oh well, now I won't say it anymore.
1218
01:05:47,880 --> 01:05:51,960
[music from "Blue - Da Ba Dee"
of the Eiffel 65 and women's screams]
1219
01:05:52,400 --> 01:05:53,840
[women scream]
1220
01:05:53,920 --> 01:05:56,840
Look… Look at that!
1221
01:05:56,920 --> 01:05:58,000
But look!
1222
01:05:58,080 --> 01:05:59,640
[appreciative verse from Pina]
1223
01:06:00,160 --> 01:06:01,880
Pina, please control yourself!
1224
01:06:01,960 --> 01:06:03,760
Listen, Ugo,
1225
01:06:03,840 --> 01:06:07,760
for 40 years
I only had your body in front of me,
1226
01:06:07,840 --> 01:06:10,520
let's just say it,
not really muscular.
1227
01:06:10,600 --> 01:06:14,000
Now please
let me enjoy this show.
1228
01:06:14,080 --> 01:06:16,600
Look, Pina, I'll give you a cu…
1229
01:06:16,680 --> 01:06:19,480
a pizza... but... margherita.
1230
01:06:20,000 --> 01:06:22,320
Do you want a margherita pizza?
1231
01:06:23,640 --> 01:06:25,320
Permission…
1232
01:06:27,360 --> 01:06:29,160
Best wishes!
1233
01:06:30,960 --> 01:06:34,120
Come on, make an offer too.
1234
01:06:34,200 --> 01:06:38,000
Um…
Wait, I'll make you an offer now.
1235
01:06:38,080 --> 01:06:39,560
[coins noise]
1236
01:06:39,640 --> 01:06:41,320
Do you want more?
1237
01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:44,240
He's very greedy.
1238
01:06:44,320 --> 01:06:50,920
[music from "Blue - Da Ba Dee"
of the Eiffel 65 and women's screams]
1239
01:06:52,400 --> 01:06:54,360
[roar of a motorbike]
1240
01:06:54,440 --> 01:06:58,920
[women scream]
1241
01:06:59,000 --> 01:07:02,280
[women, together] Alex! Alex! Alex!
1242
01:07:02,360 --> 01:07:05,920
[women, together] Alex! Alex! Alex!
1243
01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:08,360
[women, together] Alex! Alex! Alex!
1244
01:07:08,440 --> 01:07:12,600
- [woman] Come here!
- Alex! Alex, take me!
1245
01:07:12,680 --> 01:07:17,200
[women's shouts of encouragement]
1246
01:07:17,280 --> 01:07:20,440
[ovation]
1247
01:07:20,520 --> 01:07:26,600
[happy music and women shouting]
1248
01:07:26,680 --> 01:07:29,440
Come on, Lightning! Alex!
1249
01:07:29,520 --> 01:07:31,800
[happy music and women shouting]
1250
01:07:31,880 --> 01:07:34,080
[woman] You are gorgeous!
1251
01:07:34,160 --> 01:07:36,160
[happy music and women shouting]
1252
01:07:36,240 --> 01:07:38,800
[Uga] Alex. Alex!
1253
01:07:38,880 --> 01:07:40,000
[Uga] I'll come to you! Here I am!
1254
01:07:42,440 --> 01:07:45,680
[Alex] No! No, help, it's the monster!
Throw her away, do something!
1255
01:07:45,760 --> 01:07:47,600
[sound of a punch]
1256
01:07:47,680 --> 01:07:49,120
- [Uga] Ouch!
- Here it is.
1257
01:07:49,200 --> 01:07:50,600
Whoa!
1258
01:07:51,400 --> 01:07:53,200
Uga…
1259
01:07:54,680 --> 01:07:55,720
- What is it?
- You come.
1260
01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:57,880
- I? No!
- Come on, don't be shy.
1261
01:07:57,960 --> 01:08:01,800
[boy] Aren't you happy?
And come. Come, he chose you!
1262
01:08:01,880 --> 01:08:03,960
- [Ugo] Look, there's a misunderstanding.
- [boy] Come on!
1263
01:08:04,040 --> 01:08:06,120
[Ugo] Oh God!
1264
01:08:06,200 --> 01:08:09,720
I'm not prepared for these things!
Alex, please.
1265
01:08:09,800 --> 01:08:13,600
[Ugo] Mr. Alex, I'm not prepared...
Look, there's a big misunderstanding.
1266
01:08:13,680 --> 01:08:15,560
I have a problem, I have my wife...
1267
01:08:15,640 --> 01:08:18,160
No, not my wife, a friend.
1268
01:08:18,240 --> 01:08:19,399
What does he do?
1269
01:08:19,640 --> 01:08:21,319
[Ugo] I'm not prepared…
1270
01:08:21,399 --> 01:08:23,560
The glasses.
They are valuable, but…
1271
01:08:24,720 --> 01:08:29,080
Look, I'd say it's better
that I'm leaving...
1272
01:08:30,080 --> 01:08:31,880
[Ugo] Look, I'm not at ease.
1273
01:08:32,319 --> 01:08:34,600
[in falsetto] Oh! Oh, my God! Oh!
1274
01:08:34,680 --> 01:08:36,520
[hoarsely] Oh… Sorry.
1275
01:08:36,600 --> 01:08:37,760
[sound of pain]
1276
01:08:37,840 --> 01:08:39,800
He shot down a…
1277
01:08:39,880 --> 01:08:40,840
Sorry.
1278
01:08:41,600 --> 01:08:42,920
Ah… Oh God!
1279
01:08:43,000 --> 01:08:43,960
[screams with enthusiasm]
1280
01:08:44,040 --> 01:08:46,960
My mom, my mom!
Sorry, I cover myself because...
1281
01:08:47,040 --> 01:08:48,840
[Ugo] I'm not... Oh God!
1282
01:08:48,920 --> 01:08:52,560
Don't look at me like that,
don't look at me like that.
1283
01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:56,319
Ninth!
Under the covers no, I've never done it.
1284
01:08:56,720 --> 01:08:58,920
Look, I've never done it.
1285
01:08:59,000 --> 01:09:04,479
I sincerely take advantage
to say thank you for the lovely evening…
1286
01:09:04,560 --> 01:09:06,560
I don't drink! Here you are.
1287
01:09:06,640 --> 01:09:09,880
Not much, huh? Alright, this time…
A little drop!
1288
01:09:09,960 --> 01:09:12,479
- Does it hurt?
- In short, a cliff!
1289
01:09:12,560 --> 01:09:15,080
Ah, the arm. But does it do the arm?
1290
01:09:16,080 --> 01:09:17,640
What rubbish! Sorry, huh.
1291
01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:19,479
[woman's cry of pain]
1292
01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:21,600
Again? He shot down…
1293
01:09:21,680 --> 01:09:24,680
You're harassing that poor sign...
1294
01:09:24,760 --> 01:09:25,760
What does he do?
1295
01:09:25,840 --> 01:09:28,680
- [cheers of enthusiasm from the crowd]
- Oh God!
1296
01:09:28,760 --> 01:09:30,200
But what is it, a bag?
1297
01:09:31,200 --> 01:09:32,800
[stun noises]
1298
01:09:32,880 --> 01:09:35,000
What keeps us inside?
1299
01:09:35,720 --> 01:09:38,040
- [Ugo] It's a save…
- No!
1300
01:09:38,120 --> 01:09:39,520
Oh God, again!
1301
01:09:39,600 --> 01:09:42,880
Killed her, huh?
He massacred that young lady.
1302
01:09:44,240 --> 01:09:46,960
Where you go?
Look, you have intentions that…
1303
01:09:47,040 --> 01:09:49,760
Look, I don't like her at all,
with that face!
1304
01:09:49,840 --> 01:09:51,600
Rascal that is not…
1305
01:09:51,680 --> 01:09:52,840
[screams with enthusiasm]
1306
01:09:52,920 --> 01:09:56,240
- [Ugo] Let's do this... Oh, God!
- Blessed are you! Blessed are you!
1307
01:09:56,880 --> 01:09:59,680
Oops. Oh God, he has "the coat hanger".
1308
01:09:59,760 --> 01:10:02,040
I recognized him! It has a "pan hanger"...
1309
01:10:02,120 --> 01:10:05,520
[Ugo groans]
1310
01:10:05,600 --> 01:10:08,520
[screams of enthusiasm from the women
and applause]
1311
01:10:13,720 --> 01:10:17,680
[woman's verses of pain]
1312
01:10:17,760 --> 01:10:24,640
[indistinct voice]
1313
01:10:28,680 --> 01:10:31,000
[sniffs]
1314
01:10:31,520 --> 01:10:34,960
[Uga] Alex! My love!
My love! Love! Love!
1315
01:10:35,040 --> 01:10:37,440
[entrepreneur] But who is this?
What is it? Get off your feet a little!
1316
01:10:38,120 --> 01:10:40,680
Take it off, yes it's attached
like a rock mussel!
1317
01:10:40,760 --> 01:10:42,080
- Can you give me a hand?
- Come on, come on!
1318
01:10:42,160 --> 01:10:43,560
Hurry up!
1319
01:10:43,640 --> 01:10:45,840
[indistinct voice]
1320
01:10:45,920 --> 01:10:48,680
It doesn't come off.
Shut up, good people, everyone back to bed!
1321
01:10:48,760 --> 01:10:50,080
Come here, you, stop!
1322
01:10:50,160 --> 01:10:52,920
Breathe.
Calm down, go with your breath. Good.
1323
01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:55,480
- [Uga breathes deeply]
- Shh, yes!
1324
01:10:55,560 --> 01:10:57,040
"Lay it there, lay it all down."
1325
01:10:57,480 --> 01:11:00,000
It hurt my bicep,
"damn his."
1326
01:11:00,960 --> 01:11:03,680
Alex is a sensitive boy.
1327
01:11:03,760 --> 01:11:06,160
"If you jump on him",
you scare me,
1328
01:11:06,240 --> 01:11:07,840
and therefore it doesn't make me.
1329
01:11:07,920 --> 01:11:12,960
And then just one word
"echoes in the air", guess what it is?
1330
01:11:13,040 --> 01:11:14,880
- Love.
- No. It's "go away"!
1331
01:11:14,960 --> 01:11:18,920
- Go away! You have to go!
- Alex! Look at me, Alex!
1332
01:11:19,000 --> 01:11:22,320
- [Uga] Love, no!
- But what love? Go away!
1333
01:11:22,400 --> 01:11:27,160
[Uga cries]
1334
01:11:30,360 --> 01:11:32,920
[sound of footsteps and Uga crying]
1335
01:11:33,000 --> 01:11:36,600
[Pina] Darling,
but what happened to you?
1336
01:11:37,440 --> 01:11:39,840
[crying] Alex doesn't want me!
1337
01:11:39,920 --> 01:11:43,720
Oh well, don't worry. I'll take care of it.
1338
01:11:43,800 --> 01:11:45,200
But he's a grandfather!
1339
01:11:45,280 --> 01:11:48,320
The basic movement of the evening
this is it here.
1340
01:11:48,400 --> 01:11:51,000
- [entrepreneur] It's the pelvis!
- [knocks on the door]
1341
01:11:51,080 --> 01:11:54,920
Pushing very forward! Why us
with the pelvis we catch another evening.
1342
01:11:55,400 --> 01:11:56,960
I'm explaining, who is he?
1343
01:11:57,640 --> 01:12:00,760
- I... I... Excuse me.
- [the manager gasps]
1344
01:12:00,840 --> 01:12:02,760
- Permission… I wanted…
- But are you waiting for your mother?
1345
01:12:02,840 --> 01:12:04,000
- Who knows her?
- "Come."
1346
01:12:04,080 --> 01:12:09,320
Excuse me, gentlemen strippers,
I'm here to make a complaint.
1347
01:12:09,400 --> 01:12:10,520
Tell me, ma'am, what happened?
1348
01:12:11,000 --> 01:12:15,760
First of all let's clarify that I am not one
ma'am, I'm the accountant Ugo Fantozzi.
1349
01:12:16,240 --> 01:12:18,280
- I mean I know...
- [everyone laughs]
1350
01:12:18,360 --> 01:12:23,920
I am the grandfather of that little girl you
you did inve… invericondi… inveru
1351
01:12:24,000 --> 01:12:26,080
In short, you made me cry.
1352
01:12:26,160 --> 01:12:28,640
We didn't make anyone cry,
It's not our style.
1353
01:12:28,720 --> 01:12:32,760
The little one is out here.
It's a mask of tears.
1354
01:12:33,280 --> 01:12:34,760
[everyone laughs]
1355
01:12:34,840 --> 01:12:36,400
But are you talking about the monster?
1356
01:12:36,480 --> 01:12:39,800
[laughing] No, it's just that you call me "little girl"
and send me astray.
1357
01:12:39,880 --> 01:12:41,480
He made a mess!
1358
01:12:41,560 --> 01:12:43,560
Think about Bologna
she was attached to Alex,
1359
01:12:43,640 --> 01:12:45,800
it never came off again
and had to throw his boot at him.
1360
01:12:45,880 --> 01:12:47,560
- [man] The jellyfish!
- Is it her?
1361
01:12:47,640 --> 01:12:49,240
- It's him.
- So I'll give you some advice.
1362
01:12:49,920 --> 01:12:51,720
Wash your feet.
1363
01:12:51,800 --> 01:12:56,440
Yes! Use a very powerful detergent and also
of muriatic acid. Hold me, sorry.
1364
01:12:56,520 --> 01:12:59,120
"I would give it to you",
What did I tell you, huh?
1365
01:12:59,200 --> 01:13:03,960
By now the word has already spread.
You have to wash your feet, because they stink!
1366
01:13:04,040 --> 01:13:06,400
You are a professional,
do you remember what I told you?
1367
01:13:06,480 --> 01:13:09,400
“Even the smell makes the image.”
But he died them…
1368
01:13:09,880 --> 01:13:11,240
But let's get back to the monster.
1369
01:13:11,320 --> 01:13:15,600
I want to tell you about it
which is not the physical appearance,
1370
01:13:15,680 --> 01:13:18,760
and not even those packages,
impressive, huh?
1371
01:13:18,840 --> 01:13:20,960
But why so? Alright!
1372
01:13:21,040 --> 01:13:25,560
My my little one
He has great sensitivity.
1373
01:13:25,640 --> 01:13:27,000
It's not beautiful, eh!
1374
01:13:27,080 --> 01:13:30,920
Sometimes I think that with adequate,
small, but not so small,
1375
01:13:31,000 --> 01:13:34,320
even a long one,
prolonged surgery,
1376
01:13:34,400 --> 01:13:36,360
it could also improve its structure.
1377
01:13:36,440 --> 01:13:38,840
Grandpa, the only sensitive one here is me,
1378
01:13:39,480 --> 01:13:43,680
because someone else in my place
he would have already killed that beast.
1379
01:13:43,760 --> 01:13:45,960
I know what that one is sensitive to,
I know it.
1380
01:13:46,040 --> 01:13:48,680
Don't be offensive, please, sir.
1381
01:13:48,760 --> 01:13:50,920
Goodbye…
He doesn't shake hands.
1382
01:13:51,000 --> 01:13:53,840
Oh well, the wig
keep it as a souvenir.
1383
01:13:53,920 --> 01:13:55,520
Until we meet again.
1384
01:13:56,520 --> 01:13:59,360
- Puppet!
- Please?
1385
01:13:59,440 --> 01:14:00,920
[softly] Give me the boot.
1386
01:14:01,000 --> 01:14:04,200
Do you know what I'm telling you? Tie'!
1387
01:14:04,280 --> 01:14:07,680
Get this boot!
And take it to the platypus.
1388
01:14:07,760 --> 01:14:10,080
[laughs]
1389
01:14:13,840 --> 01:14:16,320
Everything's fine, everything's clear.
1390
01:14:16,400 --> 01:14:19,120
I talked to those gentlemen, eh!
1391
01:14:19,200 --> 01:14:21,680
Ah, some very nice people,
1392
01:14:21,760 --> 01:14:25,080
some very refined intellectuals!
1393
01:14:25,160 --> 01:14:27,720
Alex, then, a very nice person.
1394
01:14:27,800 --> 01:14:31,080
He made me feel sorry for him, poor thing.
In love with you!
1395
01:14:31,160 --> 01:14:34,120
But think that
he has such an important conscience
1396
01:14:34,200 --> 01:14:39,480
who decided to give up
to a great love story with you,
1397
01:14:39,560 --> 01:14:42,680
in respect of your young age.
1398
01:14:43,200 --> 01:14:45,240
And… Indeed, he gave me…
1399
01:14:46,160 --> 01:14:50,520
He gave me this as a gift,
so you can make the pair.
1400
01:14:51,520 --> 01:14:54,200
Grandpa, there's no point in defending him.
1401
01:14:54,280 --> 01:14:56,920
I don't deserve that anyway.
1402
01:14:57,000 --> 01:15:01,240
And then, look,
It wasn't even that great.
1403
01:15:01,320 --> 01:15:03,320
- Shall we go?
- Yes.
1404
01:15:09,840 --> 01:15:12,520
Yes, it's true, it wasn't like that...
1405
01:15:12,600 --> 01:15:15,560
[Ugo's verses of desire]
1406
01:15:15,640 --> 01:15:18,520
No, huh…
Pina, what did you understand? No.
1407
01:15:18,600 --> 01:15:21,000
For goodness sake! Yes, well…
1408
01:15:21,080 --> 01:15:23,600
It wasn't much. But…
1409
01:15:27,720 --> 01:15:31,080
[Paolo Villaggio]December 30, 1999
1410
01:15:31,160 --> 01:15:33,600
Fantozzi suddenly realized
1411
01:15:33,680 --> 01:15:36,840
to be on the eve of
fateful New Year's Eve of 2000.
1412
01:15:36,920 --> 01:15:38,840
[Paolo Villaggio]
That epochal deadline,
1413
01:15:38,920 --> 01:15:41,880
needed a
memorable celebration.
1414
01:15:41,960 --> 01:15:45,680
[man] I guess you came here
for a tour in Lourdes.
1415
01:15:45,760 --> 01:15:49,720
- No, it's for the millennium.
- We would like to have a beautiful New Year's Eve.
1416
01:15:49,800 --> 01:15:52,800
You came a little late, eh!
Let's see what's left, not much.
1417
01:15:54,040 --> 01:15:57,880
- So... a party on the island of Tonga?
- Who is this?
1418
01:15:57,960 --> 01:16:00,880
- [man] Island… of Tonga.
- Ah, yes, yes, Tonga.
1419
01:16:00,960 --> 01:16:03,320
- A "rave" under the Cheops pyramid?
- A… a…
1420
01:16:03,400 --> 01:16:07,120
- A party under the Cheops pyramid?
- Yes! A party with this…
1421
01:16:07,200 --> 01:16:10,880
No, but our best is fine for you
offer, our special offer!
1422
01:16:10,960 --> 01:16:14,560
- Three New Years for the price of one!
- I'll take this!
1423
01:16:14,640 --> 01:16:16,520
No, no, wait, Ugo.
1424
01:16:16,600 --> 01:16:19,400
Excuse me, and what does it consist of
this special offer?
1425
01:16:19,480 --> 01:16:23,280
So let's start from New York,
dinner inside the Statue of Liberty.
1426
01:16:23,360 --> 01:16:26,320
- Ah, beautiful!
- [man] Then we board a Concorde.
1427
01:16:26,400 --> 01:16:28,480
Above the Concorde,
hostesses…
1428
01:16:29,840 --> 01:16:30,840
topless.
1429
01:16:30,920 --> 01:16:32,520
- [Ugo's lines of desire]
- [Pina] Ugo!
1430
01:16:32,600 --> 01:16:35,680
- Behave, please.
- He started it.
1431
01:16:35,760 --> 01:16:39,120
At supersonic speed
you reach the Fiji islands,
1432
01:16:39,200 --> 01:16:41,440
with dinner in the middle of the atoll.
1433
01:16:41,520 --> 01:16:45,440
- After the dinner we take the Concorde back.
- With them I have…
1434
01:16:45,520 --> 01:16:48,360
No! This time I'm not topless,
they are completely naked!
1435
01:16:48,440 --> 01:16:49,680
[Ugo's verses of desire]
1436
01:16:49,760 --> 01:16:53,920
Last leap to Hong Kong,
with final dinner in Agadir!
1437
01:16:54,000 --> 01:16:56,760
Ah, yes! This. You "tell" me this.
1438
01:16:56,840 --> 01:16:58,920
No, no, no, one moment, please.
1439
01:16:59,000 --> 01:17:05,120
- And how much would it cost?
- It's 61,974.83 euros per person.
1440
01:17:05,200 --> 01:17:08,320
- Well! "Tell me" that I sign...
- Wait.
1441
01:17:08,400 --> 01:17:11,440
Listen, how much would it be in lire?
1442
01:17:11,520 --> 01:17:13,680
120 million. Per person.
1443
01:17:14,240 --> 01:17:15,640
Please?
1444
01:17:18,640 --> 01:17:23,400
Have you seen, Ugo? With two lire we have
New Year 2000 problem solved.
1445
01:17:23,480 --> 01:17:26,200
- Yes, okay, but alone as animals.
- Oh well!
1446
01:17:26,280 --> 01:17:29,440
Why don't we go to your aunt Gianna's
like last year?
1447
01:17:29,520 --> 01:17:32,240
But, Ugo,
Aunt Gianna died this summer.
1448
01:17:32,320 --> 01:17:34,960
- No!
- But why not?
1449
01:17:35,040 --> 01:17:36,520
Here.
1450
01:17:37,920 --> 01:17:41,880
- Don't you remember? We went to the funeral.
- Ah, yes, it's true.
1451
01:17:43,080 --> 01:17:44,200
[Ugo] Go, Pina, come in.
1452
01:17:46,080 --> 01:17:50,520
But I confess to you that this New Year's Eve
two doesn't excite me at all.
1453
01:17:51,360 --> 01:17:57,120
Listen, what if we went
from my uncle Giovanni? He's alive, isn't he?
1454
01:17:57,200 --> 01:18:01,320
Yes, of course, but now
He's been in a mental hospital for 14 years.
1455
01:18:01,400 --> 01:18:05,320
Well, we could go stop by
New Year's Eve in the asylum.
1456
01:18:05,400 --> 01:18:08,320
Oh well, nothing, as unsaid.
1457
01:18:08,400 --> 01:18:11,560
A letter!
This is definitely a joke.
1458
01:18:11,640 --> 01:18:14,400
I'll tell you what it is.
It's the usual shitty fine!
1459
01:18:14,480 --> 01:18:16,360
[Ugo] Holy shit…
1460
01:18:16,440 --> 01:18:19,240
Hold here.
Let's see what it is.
1461
01:18:19,320 --> 01:18:20,760
[Paolo Villaggio]It was an invitation
1462
01:18:20,840 --> 01:18:23,160
of Countess Serbelloni Mazzanti
It comes from the sea,
1463
01:18:23,240 --> 01:18:27,760
to spend New Year's Eve in his
residence on the Adriatic coast.
1464
01:18:27,840 --> 01:18:31,400
We did it! We turned.
It is an invitation from Countess Serbelloni…
1465
01:18:31,480 --> 01:18:34,760
No, it says Fantocci Ugo here.
1466
01:18:34,840 --> 01:18:36,800
Have you become fussy?
1467
01:18:36,880 --> 01:18:41,480
[Ugo] Pina, they've been calling me for ages
Puppets and now I formalize myself?
1468
01:18:41,560 --> 01:18:43,400
- [Pina] Ugo…
- [Ugo] What is it?
1469
01:18:43,480 --> 01:18:47,160
[Pina] Ugo, it says "doctor",
and you're just an accountant.
1470
01:18:47,240 --> 01:18:49,520
[Ugo] Pina we are all doctors now.
1471
01:18:49,600 --> 01:18:53,960
[baroque music]
1472
01:18:54,040 --> 01:18:58,080
[baroque music]
1473
01:18:58,160 --> 01:19:00,440
- [Ugo] Come on, come on.
- The Baron of Copulonia!
1474
01:19:00,520 --> 01:19:03,120
Guglielmo Panfilo Lombardoni Satriani!
1475
01:19:03,200 --> 01:19:05,600
[Ugo] Who is he? Oh, sorry…
1476
01:19:07,760 --> 01:19:09,800
The great luminary, absolute primary
1477
01:19:09,880 --> 01:19:13,200
of the Santa Maria Madre clinic
Of God Pray For Us Sinners,
1478
01:19:13,280 --> 01:19:15,640
Professor Ugo Fantozzi!
1479
01:19:15,720 --> 01:19:18,680
Wait a minute… Puppets!
1480
01:19:18,760 --> 01:19:21,880
I apologize, Professor Ugo Fantocci!
1481
01:19:21,960 --> 01:19:23,680
[Ugo's verses of pain]
1482
01:19:23,760 --> 01:19:27,120
Holy shit, what a pain!
Ouch!
1483
01:19:27,560 --> 01:19:29,160
Oh, my God…
1484
01:19:29,240 --> 01:19:31,960
[Ugo splutters incomprehensible words]
What a bad foot!
1485
01:19:32,040 --> 01:19:34,640
Oh, it's her! The magician of the scalpel.
1486
01:19:34,720 --> 01:19:36,840
- Who says?
- The great Fantocci.
1487
01:19:36,920 --> 01:19:38,480
Ah, yes, it's me.
1488
01:19:38,560 --> 01:19:42,640
I heard they have them
assigned the professorship in Uppsala.
1489
01:19:42,720 --> 01:19:45,600
- And what is this UPS...?
- The Uppsala Chair!
1490
01:19:45,680 --> 01:19:48,240
- Well yes.
- Very honored.
1491
01:19:48,320 --> 01:19:50,920
[Ugo] I am also very honoured.
1492
01:19:51,000 --> 01:19:53,240
Very interesting.
1493
01:19:54,440 --> 01:19:57,560
Excuse me, surgeon.
Miss? Excuse me, miss!
1494
01:19:57,640 --> 01:20:00,560
- You saw, he gave me a push.
- Don't worry, Ugo.
1495
01:20:00,640 --> 01:20:04,360
There are so many nice people here.
Let's go meet someone else.
1496
01:20:04,440 --> 01:20:06,680
And where? Ah, yes, okay, let's get started.
1497
01:20:06,760 --> 01:20:08,520
- Yes.
- We're starting to get to know each other.
1498
01:20:08,600 --> 01:20:14,600
Here, I'm the accountant Fantozz...
Erm, no, Professor Fantocci from Uppsala.
1499
01:20:14,680 --> 01:20:16,160
- Pleasure!
- Honored.
1500
01:20:16,240 --> 01:20:19,120
Hate!
Maremma plagued slut!
1501
01:20:19,200 --> 01:20:21,960
- [woman] Please! Please…
- He blinded my good eye!
1502
01:20:22,040 --> 01:20:24,560
Give me your attention.
1503
01:20:24,640 --> 01:20:28,040
I'm happy to announce
the 144th birthday
1504
01:20:28,120 --> 01:20:30,160
of my beloved countess mother.
1505
01:20:30,600 --> 01:20:34,000
[all] Best wishes!
1506
01:20:34,080 --> 01:20:36,200
[man] Congratulations.
1507
01:20:36,280 --> 01:20:40,400
And like every year he will be spokesperson
of our most sincere wishes
1508
01:20:40,480 --> 01:20:44,480
Cocorito Serbelloni here
Mazzanti Comes From The Sea,
1509
01:20:44,560 --> 01:20:48,520
last and priceless example
of a now extinct species,
1510
01:20:48,600 --> 01:20:50,160
the polka dot cockatoo!
1511
01:20:50,240 --> 01:20:53,360
[cockatoo sounds]
1512
01:20:53,440 --> 01:20:58,000
I propose a toast! Let's have a toast
in Cocorito, with this big bottle.
1513
01:20:58,880 --> 01:21:01,160
[Cocorito] Murderer!
1514
01:21:01,240 --> 01:21:03,680
- What is he doing?
- Um…
1515
01:21:03,760 --> 01:21:05,920
- Oh God!
- But he killed him!
1516
01:21:06,000 --> 01:21:08,080
It was him, not me...
1517
01:21:09,040 --> 01:21:13,560
[Paolo Villaggio]The three-star general
he had been demoted in the field
1518
01:21:13,640 --> 01:21:16,520
a general with two bandages!
1519
01:21:18,000 --> 01:21:22,920
[waiter's sounds of pain]
1520
01:21:24,800 --> 01:21:27,120
Listen, you big bastard!
1521
01:21:27,760 --> 01:21:30,320
Yes… Sit down there.
1522
01:21:30,400 --> 01:21:33,280
Trust me blindly...
Let's not blind ourselves... Trust me, in short.
1523
01:21:33,360 --> 01:21:36,600
Oh, finally
the famous buffalo mozzarella,
1524
01:21:36,680 --> 01:21:41,720
offered by the marquise
Adalgisa Musumeci Baldozzi of Caserta.
1525
01:21:41,800 --> 01:21:44,400
But I'm afraid...
which will not be enough for everyone!
1526
01:21:44,480 --> 01:21:47,120
[man] This is mine,
I saw it first!
1527
01:21:47,200 --> 01:21:50,160
- [girl] A little mozzarella!
- [man] The mozzarella is mine, yes!
1528
01:21:50,240 --> 01:21:51,560
[indistinct voice]
1529
01:21:51,640 --> 01:21:52,920
[woman] A mozzarella?
1530
01:21:53,000 --> 01:21:54,440
[indistinct voice]
1531
01:21:54,520 --> 01:21:56,000
[Ugo] Ouch!
1532
01:21:56,720 --> 01:21:58,760
Here it is, here it is!
1533
01:22:02,240 --> 01:22:05,800
It's mine! It's my mozzarella, excuse me!
Excuse me, it's mine!
1534
01:22:05,880 --> 01:22:07,760
You "tell" it to me! You "tell" it to me!
1535
01:22:07,840 --> 01:22:09,760
[Ugo's verses of desire]
1536
01:22:09,840 --> 01:22:11,440
Here she is, the beautiful one...
1537
01:22:11,520 --> 01:22:13,200
[the girl screams]
1538
01:22:13,280 --> 01:22:15,760
Wait… Here it is, here it is.
1539
01:22:15,840 --> 01:22:18,440
Here it is, the mozzarella…
1540
01:22:19,000 --> 01:22:20,360
- Let me do it…
- What is he doing?
1541
01:22:20,440 --> 01:22:24,080
There's another one!
I'm sure there's another one...
1542
01:22:24,160 --> 01:22:26,520
There was another one,
I'm sure of it.
1543
01:22:27,040 --> 01:22:30,600
[Paolo Villaggio]Tradition
dei Serbelloni expected for that night
1544
01:22:30,680 --> 01:22:33,000
a total chilling minuet!
1545
01:22:34,600 --> 01:22:36,200
[Paolo Villaggio]In the middle of the evening,
1546
01:22:36,280 --> 01:22:40,680
the countess had it served
the inevitable New Year's lentils.
1547
01:22:40,760 --> 01:22:43,000
[minuet music]
1548
01:22:43,080 --> 01:22:46,960
Mm, lentils!
They are a good omen.
1549
01:22:47,400 --> 01:22:50,920
- They bring money.
- Then I'll eat them! Sorry, huh?
1550
01:22:51,000 --> 01:22:54,520
I'll eat them!
Here they are, the lentils!
1551
01:22:55,520 --> 01:22:59,160
But I'll eat these... I'll eat them
and how they wear well. I "lentil".
1552
01:23:00,520 --> 01:23:02,320
[Ugo] Here, now…
1553
01:23:02,400 --> 01:23:07,200
[slurping noise]
1554
01:23:10,240 --> 01:23:12,760
[Paolo Villaggio]They were the infamous ones
cayenne lentils,
1555
01:23:12,840 --> 01:23:15,240
mix with Mexican chili pepper
1556
01:23:15,320 --> 01:23:18,160
and fertilize with gunpowder.
1557
01:23:21,840 --> 01:23:24,600
Eh… Um, good morning.
1558
01:23:24,680 --> 01:23:26,840
Good, huh? It seems to me that…
1559
01:23:26,920 --> 01:23:31,000
Look, don't tell me anything
because the blame…
1560
01:23:31,080 --> 01:23:34,520
I don't... You know, lentils...
1561
01:23:34,600 --> 01:23:36,960
Alright, goodbye!
There is worse in life.
1562
01:23:37,040 --> 01:23:40,840
[Ugo] I'm going to drink
because I can't take it anymore! My God!
1563
01:23:41,680 --> 01:23:44,280
[Ugo's verses of pain]
God, how it burns!
1564
01:23:44,360 --> 01:23:48,520
[Ugo] Ouch! How it burns, it burns!
1565
01:23:48,600 --> 01:23:54,000
[sizzle]
1566
01:23:55,160 --> 01:23:56,840
[Ugo breathes with relief]
1567
01:23:56,920 --> 01:23:59,320
My God… My goodness!
1568
01:23:59,400 --> 01:24:00,680
What an adventure!
1569
01:24:00,760 --> 01:24:02,680
What an adventure…
1570
01:24:02,760 --> 01:24:05,600
[Ugo's verses of pain]
1571
01:24:06,120 --> 01:24:10,240
[Ugo] Ah, then I'll tell you.
How it burns! How it burns! How it burns!
1572
01:24:10,320 --> 01:24:13,560
[Ugo's verses of pain]
1573
01:24:13,640 --> 01:24:15,600
[explosion sound]
1574
01:24:15,680 --> 01:24:17,560
[sound of breaking glass
and verses of pain]
1575
01:24:17,640 --> 01:24:19,440
[crack of fireworks]
1576
01:24:19,520 --> 01:24:21,880
[man] Come, let's try this way.
1577
01:24:21,960 --> 01:24:23,880
- [man] Let's go!
- [Ugo's lines of pain]
1578
01:24:23,960 --> 01:24:27,600
Of course for the mozzarella
the countess was not kind at all.
1579
01:24:27,680 --> 01:24:29,960
[Ugo's verses of pain]
1580
01:24:30,040 --> 01:24:33,120
They brought the zampone, how wonderful!
1581
01:24:33,200 --> 01:24:35,280
[woman] What a New Year without trotters.
1582
01:24:35,360 --> 01:24:37,920
- Ah, my foot!
- [woman] Ah, what a delight.
1583
01:24:38,000 --> 01:24:40,840
[Ugo] No, I only have one!
1584
01:24:41,280 --> 01:24:44,560
Listen, dear,
I still have about half an hour left.
1585
01:24:44,640 --> 01:24:46,880
Then we'll move on
1586
01:24:46,960 --> 01:24:50,360
a beautiful New Year's Eve in red lights!
1587
01:24:50,440 --> 01:24:54,360
Please, put on
the garter I gave you.
1588
01:24:54,440 --> 01:24:56,080
Yes, dear, yes.
1589
01:24:56,160 --> 01:24:58,520
I'm getting ready too, of course!
1590
01:24:58,600 --> 01:25:00,760
In fact, I'll do it right away.
1591
01:25:05,400 --> 01:25:08,800
They told me
that these pills are prodigious.
1592
01:25:08,880 --> 01:25:11,320
And I already feel it
1593
01:25:11,760 --> 01:25:14,200
that have an effect on me!
1594
01:25:14,280 --> 01:25:16,240
[imitates a horse neighing]
1595
01:25:16,320 --> 01:25:18,240
[cook] Yes, dear.
I'll come to you right away.
1596
01:25:18,320 --> 01:25:21,600
Let me close and I'll agree with you?
1597
01:25:21,680 --> 01:25:24,440
Take the herbal tea
and take it to the Dowager Countess.
1598
01:25:24,520 --> 01:25:28,320
Yes, dear, yes, please,
the fuchsia garter!
1599
01:25:28,400 --> 01:25:30,280
[smack of kisses]
1600
01:25:30,360 --> 01:25:31,960
[Pina] Ugo! Uh-huh!
1601
01:25:32,040 --> 01:25:34,160
You come. You come!
1602
01:25:35,280 --> 01:25:37,320
[Ugo] Permission. Excuse me…
1603
01:25:37,400 --> 01:25:39,640
[Pina] But where did you end up?
1604
01:25:39,720 --> 01:25:42,360
- [Ugo] Then I'll explain.
- You missed the fireworks!
1605
01:25:42,440 --> 01:25:44,920
No, no, I saw them up close.
1606
01:25:46,080 --> 01:25:49,120
- Have you been drinking, Ugo?
- Just a drop.
1607
01:25:49,200 --> 01:25:52,840
- Can I have your invitation?
- Unfortunately, I did not receive it.
1608
01:25:52,920 --> 01:25:57,680
There must have been a mix-up because the
Contessa invited me by phone.
1609
01:25:57,760 --> 01:26:02,320
- Your name please.
- Grand officer Professor Ugo Fantocci.
1610
01:26:02,400 --> 01:26:05,760
Come on, Pina, it's getting bad.
Let's go.
1611
01:26:05,840 --> 01:26:08,440
[chamberlain] For your information,
the real Professor Fantocci
1612
01:26:08,520 --> 01:26:10,560
he made his entrance
in the room two hours ago.
1613
01:26:10,640 --> 01:26:12,760
- Please take a seat outside.
- [Puppets] But how dare you?
1614
01:26:12,840 --> 01:26:15,200
I am the real Professor Fantocci.
1615
01:26:15,280 --> 01:26:18,120
- Dearest Professor Fantocci, how are you?
- Beautiful Countess.
1616
01:26:18,200 --> 01:26:20,480
- We were waiting for you. Hi dear.
- Greetings.
1617
01:26:20,560 --> 01:26:24,600
Countess, I am desolate but in the room
an impostor must have infiltrated.
1618
01:26:24,680 --> 01:26:27,680
An intruder?
But you have to find it now!
1619
01:26:33,120 --> 01:26:35,200
[the woman drinks loudly]
1620
01:26:35,280 --> 01:26:37,960
- [Pina] And what do we do now?
- [Ugo] Let's escape from here.
1621
01:26:38,040 --> 01:26:40,040
I'm going out of my ass... from behind, sorry.
1622
01:26:40,120 --> 01:26:41,760
Brrr!
1623
01:26:41,840 --> 01:26:44,680
A man, I want a man!
Give me a man!
1624
01:26:45,360 --> 01:26:48,000
- [Ugo] Come, Pina.
- [appreciative lines]
1625
01:26:48,080 --> 01:26:51,520
Here, you are my man.
The man of my erotic dreams!
1626
01:26:51,600 --> 01:26:54,240
- [Ugo] No, wait a minute ma'am...
- [woman] A man!
1627
01:26:54,320 --> 01:26:57,000
[Ugo] Pina, give me a hand,
This is a crazy old lady!
1628
01:26:57,080 --> 01:26:58,760
[woman's cry of pain]
1629
01:26:58,840 --> 01:27:03,240
- Here he is, he's the one who crashed!
- Take it! Quick, get it!
1630
01:27:03,320 --> 01:27:06,200
- [woman] Savage!
- [Ugo] Sorry, I have a commitment.
1631
01:27:06,280 --> 01:27:09,120
- [Ugo] Then I'll explain!
- [Countess] Take him!
1632
01:27:09,200 --> 01:27:13,480
[indistinct voice
and happy music]
1633
01:27:13,560 --> 01:27:15,960
[indistinct voice
and happy music]
1634
01:27:16,040 --> 01:27:18,760
- [Ugo] Permission!
- [woman] Brrr!
1635
01:27:20,080 --> 01:27:22,880
[woman] Come here, my little savage!
1636
01:27:22,960 --> 01:27:24,960
[upbeat music]
1637
01:27:25,040 --> 01:27:27,640
[Ugo] See you in the third millennium!
1638
01:27:27,720 --> 01:27:30,400
- [upbeat music]
- [Pina] Quick!
1639
01:27:30,480 --> 01:27:33,160
- [Pina] Ah, help!
- [Ugo] A dinghy! We are safe.
1640
01:27:33,240 --> 01:27:35,160
- [Pina] Yes, yes.
- [Ugo] Jump up.
1641
01:27:35,240 --> 01:27:37,600
[Ugo] Wait, I'll start the car.
Here…
1642
01:27:37,680 --> 01:27:39,360
- [Pina screams in pain]
- [Ugo] Sorry!
1643
01:27:39,440 --> 01:27:42,720
- [Pina] Forget it, Ugo, I'll do it!
- [Ugo's cry of pain]
1644
01:27:42,800 --> 01:27:46,440
[Pina] But don't waste time,
the engine is running.
1645
01:27:46,520 --> 01:27:48,920
[woman] No! Don't leave!
1646
01:27:49,000 --> 01:27:53,040
[woman] I've been waiting for you for 144 years!
1647
01:27:53,120 --> 01:27:55,080
[woman] Love!
1648
01:27:55,160 --> 01:27:57,040
[indistinct voice]
1649
01:27:57,120 --> 01:28:00,160
[Pina] Ugo, run! Run!
1650
01:28:00,240 --> 01:28:02,720
[Paolo Villaggio]Shipwrecked
in the middle of the Adriatic,
1651
01:28:02,800 --> 01:28:05,440
were intercepted
from a police launch,
1652
01:28:05,520 --> 01:28:10,120
mistaken for refugees and repatriates
immediately on a beach in Vlora.
1653
01:28:10,640 --> 01:28:13,400
[Paolo Villaggio]
The 144-year-old Dowager Countess
1654
01:28:13,480 --> 01:28:18,840
was fished out in international waters
from a fishing boat from Mazara del Vallo.
1655
01:28:18,920 --> 01:28:23,200
[Paolo Villaggio]While he was trying to
furiously rape the entire crew,
1656
01:28:23,280 --> 01:28:27,360
were tragically sunk
from a Tunisian patrol boat.
1657
01:28:27,440 --> 01:28:31,320
- [Pina] But it's not our house, help!
- [Ugo] He doesn't even say hello to this one.
1658
01:28:31,400 --> 01:28:34,800
[Ugo] Look at that stuff...
Look at this end-of-the-millennium crap!
1659
01:28:34,880 --> 01:28:38,360
[Ugo] I'm taking off this jacket...
I am cold! Grab your sleeve, go!
1660
01:28:38,440 --> 01:28:40,120
[Pina] Yes.
1661
01:28:40,200 --> 01:28:43,040
[Ugo] Almost this second
millennium I don't do it.
1662
01:28:43,120 --> 01:28:44,080
My mom…
1663
01:28:44,160 --> 01:28:48,920
Yes, of course, another millennium like this,
I don't even think about it! [laughs]
1664
01:28:49,000 --> 01:28:52,080
[melancholic music]
1665
01:28:52,200 --> 01:28:53,320
- Say, Pina…
- Yes…
1666
01:28:53,400 --> 01:28:55,240
Do we have any money left?
1667
01:28:55,320 --> 01:28:57,000
Yes, Ugo.
1668
01:28:58,240 --> 01:29:02,800
So, go buy two rifles
that we commit suicide.
1669
01:29:02,880 --> 01:29:07,600
But no, Ugo, you don't have to say that,
you are too pessimistic.
1670
01:29:07,680 --> 01:29:10,280
Tomorrow is another day.
1671
01:29:10,360 --> 01:29:14,880
Another shitty day,
like everyone in my life.
1672
01:29:14,960 --> 01:29:17,600
Look, Ugo! A shooting star.
1673
01:29:18,280 --> 01:29:20,760
Make a wish now, come on.
1674
01:29:21,400 --> 01:29:23,520
Well, I'd like that
1675
01:29:23,600 --> 01:29:29,080
than in one of the billions and billions
of galaxies that inhabit the universe
1676
01:29:29,160 --> 01:29:33,160
maybe it was far away
a small world really...
1677
01:29:33,240 --> 01:29:35,400
but really happy.
1678
01:29:36,000 --> 01:29:38,080
Another shooting star.
1679
01:29:39,400 --> 01:29:40,840
[Ugo] Yes.
1680
01:29:42,520 --> 01:29:44,440
He's coming towards us.
1681
01:29:44,520 --> 01:29:46,440
- It's coming towards...
- How big it is.
1682
01:29:46,520 --> 01:29:48,280
Very large. But…
1683
01:29:48,360 --> 01:29:50,920
But… But damn…
But holy shit!
1684
01:29:51,000 --> 01:29:53,240
[Ugo] Oh, what…? You'll kill us!
1685
01:29:57,600 --> 01:30:00,360
[Ugo] Oh… Pina, what happened?
Let's go and see.
1686
01:30:00,520 --> 01:30:03,200
[Ugo] Pina, it happened here
half a misfortune,
1687
01:30:03,280 --> 01:30:04,960
I'm telling you, an accident.
1688
01:30:05,040 --> 01:30:08,120
Let's go and see,
that perhaps these come from the happy world
1689
01:30:08,200 --> 01:30:10,960
and they solve a lot of problems for us.
1690
01:30:11,040 --> 01:30:14,840
- Hey there! Good morning.
- Yu-hu!
1691
01:30:15,080 --> 01:30:16,840
[suspenseful music]
1692
01:30:21,760 --> 01:30:25,440
[alien] Ouch, that hurt!
I slammed the trumpet, thump!
1693
01:30:26,000 --> 01:30:29,000
This one looks very happy.
1694
01:30:29,080 --> 01:30:32,320
[Ugo] Face a little wrinkled, but...
a handsome man.
1695
01:30:32,400 --> 01:30:35,920
- [Ugo] He doesn't shake hands either.
- [Pina] Good morning, Mr. Martian.
1696
01:30:36,000 --> 01:30:38,680
I had a terrible trip,
1697
01:30:38,760 --> 01:30:42,040
that's 250 million light years
1698
01:30:42,120 --> 01:30:46,200
that wander through the galaxies
in search of the happy world.
1699
01:30:46,280 --> 01:30:48,560
I've been around the whole universe,
1700
01:30:48,640 --> 01:30:51,560
this is the last world I have left.
1701
01:30:51,640 --> 01:30:54,760
Tell me the truth,
is this the happy world?
1702
01:30:54,840 --> 01:30:58,240
Um, no, really… no. So…
1703
01:30:58,320 --> 01:31:00,680
- [the Martian cries]
- [Ugo] No, no, don't "get down" right away.
1704
01:31:00,760 --> 01:31:02,040
That is, not…
1705
01:31:02,120 --> 01:31:06,280
Pina, go get three rifles, go.